


Livin' on the edge

by nerdbeyondlimits



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: After naxzela, Blood, Emotional Hurt, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gore, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Injured Keith (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lotor isn't in this one, M/M, Panic Attacks, Worried Lance (Voltron), and what happened after, but oh well, everyone's worried, first chapter is basically jusy a written out version of A new Ally, he's paranoid, how does one tag, i could keep going but then we'd have the infamous wall of tags situation, keith's in a coma, lance has The Anxiety, let's just forget he ever existed, my version of a new ally, rather creative use of the lions, shit happens, this will do, worried shiro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 03:40:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13286238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdbeyondlimits/pseuds/nerdbeyondlimits
Summary: Keith is in a coma after having sacrificed himself for the cause of Voltron. Lance tries to cope, Keith is trapped in his own body, hearing everything around him but not being able to communicate. Shit ensues. This is the story of two lovers, separated by one's complete lack of conscious.Or, what would've happened if Keith really followed through with his plan at Naxzela according to me. It's gonna be a wild ride, so strap yourselves in.(I'm shit at summaries, forgive me)*edited*





	1. Naxzela

**Author's Note:**

> Some information; my native language is not english, so if you spot any mistakes, please point them out in the comments. Also, regular updates, what even are they? I promise I'll try, but don't expect anything, we'll both just get disappointed. And as always, comments and kudos are highly appreciated. Now, without further ado, let the story begin.  
> (No, whoops, let me say this first; title is from the song with the same name by Aerosmith)

Ever since the huge, galra cruiser had arrived to the scene, Keith had felt awry about the whole thing. He nor the marmorites among him could do nothing when their weaponry was out taken, and he was doomed to wait for every piece of news he could get, monitoring Voltron´s every move. He paced the floor, checking every channel of his comms rapidly in case anyone would transmit a message on another channel than the one decided.

There really was no reason for that, but he was too anxious to just stand there, feeling helpless. At last, he contacted Coran, having heard nothing from Voltron itself.

“Coran”, he began. “Are there any targets that need support?” Even if their artillery was disabled, he might be able to do something else to help.

“I haven't heard of any”, the old altean reported. “And that galra fleet heading towards Naxzela stopped”, he added.

“Stopped?” he repeated. Why in the world would they stop such a heavily armed fleet when there was a battle of their own fought on a planet nearby? It wasn't making sense. Something was off about the whole situation.

“Yes. Quite a distance away, too.”

“Perhaps the galra decided it´s too well-fortified to attack”, Kolivan provided, standing next to Keith.

“Victory or death is the galra way”, he frowned. “They never stop attacking.” A cold feeling spread from his heart, engulfing him as a whole.

“Voltron”, he let out in a single breath.

“Shiro, can you hear me?” he called out in the comms. Voltron hadn't reported in quite a while, but he'd just thought that they were too busy battling to care to inform their allies about the situation. After all, he would've understood them; he had muted his comms more times than he or anyone else could count. But this was something else. This was Shiro, not answering when someone called him.

“Shiro!” he shouted again, feeling the panic creep up along his spine. “Something's wrong.” He could hear Coran call out for the princess, the paladins, but with no answer to come.

“It must be the magnetic distortion from Naxzela”, the man said, half to himself, half to Keith. But Keith wasn't convinced. They couldn't trust that the comms just broke. Voltron could be calling for their help in this second, and they wouldn't be able to hear it.

“I'm gonna check it out. I need a ship.” He turned to look at the floor below, spotting a brand new galra shuttle.

“That'll do”, he answered himself, already heading towards the ship.

“Keith”, Kolivan stopped him from behind. Keith felt his blood run cold. What if Kolivan wouldn't let him go? What if he said it was to risky? That he wouldn't let his soldiers out on missions on their own? But when he turned around, there wasn't any restraint in the older galra's voice.

“Be careful. You're to young to be lost at war.” Keith looked him in the eyes through the slits of his mask.

“I will, Kolivan.”

Five minutes later, he was shooting away from their base at the planet. As he got outside the atmosphere, he contacted Pidge's older brother.

“Matt, something's wrong. I can't reach Voltron.”

“We can fly to Naxzela to check on 'em”, Matt offered almost immediately.

“No, I need your help. I can't explain why, but I know we need to attack that fleet.” Keith´s argument sounded poor even in his own ears. You couldn't take uncalculated risks like that in war. It was too much that mattered. But Matt must've heard the urgency in his voice, because he didn't protest too much, only said,

“I thought the fleet had stopped?”

“It has... But we're afraid it has something to do with Voltron.” Maybe it was manipulative of him to say “we”, since it technically only was him, possibly Coran, and that he mentioned the machine Matt's sister was currently in, but Keith had been taught to trust his instincts, and they were saying that something was very wrong, and it had with that fleet to do.

“We're with you”, came Matt's voice through the comms.

“Copy that”, he answered. “Good to have you along.”

“I'm coming, too”, Coran chimed in. “It might take me a while, I'm on the other side of the galaxy, and I don't have enough of Allura's energy left to work the teludav.”

“No, stay in position”, Keith cut off. It felt strange giving commands, but someone had to do it, and in this case it was he. “We might need you back there.” He partly said it because it was true, partly because he didn't want to pull more people into this in case it turned out to be a false alarm. In that case, he would also look very stupid, but he decided not to focus on that right now. He flied among the rebel ship for quite a while, slowly closing in on the fleet without gaining too much unwanted attention, when his comms suddenly crackled again. At first, he thought something had gone wrong at Coran's, but then Shiro's face showed up on the screen in front of him.

“Keith, can you hear me?”

“Shiro! Where are you? Is everything okay?” He rattled off.

“Not for long if we don't stop Zarkon's witch. She must be aboard that battle cruiser.” Keith should've felt scared that something wasn't going along the plans, and he did, but at the same time he felt a spark of proudness.

“I'm way ahead of you”, he said with a smirk. “And I brought some backup.”

“Rebel squad is en route”, Olia reported at that exact second.

“Good to have Voltron back in the fight!” Matt cheered.

But of course, it went wrong almost immediately. It started when Olia's exclaimed,

“What the ruggle is that?”

“It looks like some sort of weapon attached to the cruiser”, Matt answered, clearly mystified. Then it went to hell. Purple beams began shooting out, heading straight for them. The space around him became a chaos of projectiles and spinning ships.

“Evasive manoeuvres!” Olia cried out. At the same time, Shiro began speaking on the channel the had with Coran. Keith closely listened to every word as he dodged the beams coming for him.

“Coran, you need to get as far away from Naxzela as you can immediately. Pick up any members of the coalition who are nearby, but go.” Keith felt it as if all the blood in his head rushed to his feet. He felt light-headed, and was hair-splittingly close to get crushed by a purple projectile from the cruiser.

“Wh-What's happening?” Coran stuttered at the other end of the line. Keith wasn't even sure the two of them knew he was listening, but know wasn't the time to make his presence noted.

“Naxzela is a bomb, and it's about to go off”, Allura responded instead of Shiro.

“But what about you?” Coran said his question the exact way Keith had thought it just a second prior.

“We'll stop it if we can, but we need you to do this.”

“Yes, princess.” Both Coran and the princess's voice disappeared, and Keith realised they had ended the call, far too soon. He hadn't been able to say anything to the other paladins, to Lance... Keith furiously blinked. This wasn't the time for emotions. Sacrifices were made in war, and he thought he'd been fine with that. Until he realised it was only when he sacrificed things that it felt okay. The second Lance, or any of the other paladins for that matter, put themselves in danger, his blood run cold and a single message flashed red in his head.

It's unfair. We're only teenagers. We shouldn't have to go through this. They shouldn't have to. Pidge is only fifteen. Hunk and Lance's families are back at earth, with no clue of what's happened to their sons, nephews, brothers. It's unfair.

If anything, the call had at least made him even surer that they had to take down that cruiser. No doubt the thing that controlled the bomb was there, and it most probably was Haggar herself. Keith had waited for a chance to take on her ever since the castle's crystal was destroyed and Lance got to close to the explosions, causing him to go into a cryo pod for longer anyone had before.

As they came even closer to the fleet, Keith realised that the entire cruiser was covered by a purplish force-field, protecting the ship from their attacks, making them useless.

“Follow my lead! We've got to break through that shield!” he instructed the rest of the rebels. Just as he talked, a beam headed straight for him. He was too slow to avoid it entirely, and it engulfed the left wing of his ship, causing him to fall out of position. He groaned as the energy shook his shuttle, feeling sweat trickle down his brow as it was over. Considering the urgency in Shiro's voice when he'd instructed Coran to get as far away as possible, it couldn't be long until the bomb was going to go off. They had to do something, fast.

“We'll never penetrate those shields!” Matt's voice made itself heard in his ear. Ideas spun in Keith's head, as rapidly as falling stars. And then it hit him. A calm came over him as he realised what he needed to do. What he needed to in order to save everyone around him, the rebels, his old team-mates, the ordinary population of the planets, the blade of marmora.

“Maybe not with our weapons”, he answered Matt. He accelerated, circling the shield to get into position.

“Wait, Keith, what are you doing?!” Matt sounded desperate, more desperate than Keith had ever heard him. But he had to ignore the guy. “Keith, no!” Matt screamed as he realised the former red paladin's plan. Kolivan's last words echoed in Keith's head.

_Be careful_

“I'm sorry, Kolivan”, he muttered under his breath, closing his eyes. Sacrifices were made in war.

He screamed as he hit the barrier, and everything was cut off.

* * *

 

Lance held his breath as Voltron flied away from the bomb that was Naxzela. He didn't know if Keith knew what was going on with the planet, and if he was trying to stop it. Lance hoped not. His idiot would probably come up with some stupid-ass plan that involved risking his life and ended up saving everyone. It was amazing when he saved someone that way, but deep inside, Lance knew that they wouldn't be so lucky every time. They were at war, and sooner or later, someone would get hurt. They could only hope that it wasn't them, and then it made them feel guilty so they decided just to drop the subject completely.

Lance almost wished they hadn't now. He hadn't said goodbye to Keith, not properly. They hadn't wanted to even consider the possibility that they wouldn't get to see each other again, and now he was here, racing against time with his life at stake. If he was going to be honest, it scared him. He was scared beyond his wits. He didn't want to die, not here, not like this. It wasn't right. He never asked to be a hero. He loved saving the universe, it felt awesome. But now it was serious. Now he actually had to consider that he might not be back in time for dinner at the castle with his friends. And his family... His family would never know what happened to him. Maybe they'd already given up on him, buried an empty casket and forgotten about him. But deep inside, he knew that wasn't true. They would never forget, and they would never stop waiting. That was what truly broke his heart. He felt as if he was abandoning them, living his life up here while they worried and longed fro him down on earth. He felt... cruel, for doing that to them.

If only he hadn't snuck out with Hunk that night. If only they hadn't seen Shiro's spacecraft crash in the desert. If only he hadn't spotted Keith. If only Keith hadn't noticed the strange caves and led them there... But at the same time, if none of that had happened... He would've missed so much. He would've never befriended Keith, or Shiro. He wouldn't have grown fond of that stupid mullet-boy. He wouldn't fly through space in a red giant space-lion, wondering if this was his last thought. If it was, he wanted them to be about everything he loved... He listened as Hunk counted down the seconds until Naxzela was to explode, and their sentence was to be decided; if they could live or not.

“Five... Four... Three... Two... One...” Lance closed his eyes and felt... nothing.

“Hello?” he asked. “Are we dead?” Silence, and then, a loud whoop.

“We made it!” Pidge laughed, Hunk joining her.

“We... We actually made it”, Lance panted, suddenly feeling all the tension that had built up inside of him.

“I didn't hear an explosion though”, Pidge pondered.

“That's because they disarmed it!” Coran's voice suddenly appeared, cheery as ever. “The rebels disabled the bomb! I don't know how, but they did! We made it! We're safe, at least for now!” Coran's words had Lance track back to his earlier train of thought.

“Hey, Coran, have you heard anything from Keith?”

“No, not in awhile, m'boy. But he was with the rebels, so I can imagine he's busy celebrating right now!”

“Right”, Lance said hesitantly. “I'd still like to talk to him, though. Can you connect me to his comms?”

“Of course, m'boy, of course.” A bit of fiddling was heard, and then Coran's voice appeared in his helmet again.

“I can't seem to contact them... But don't worry, you can get there in no time. And it's probably nothing, a lot of interference at this distance, that's all.”

“Alright, thanks.” He ended the call and spoke to his team-mates.

“Guys, is it alright if we get back to the rebel base? I want to make sure Keith is okay.”

“He isn't answering his comms?” Shiro asked, worry etched in his tone.

“No, but Coran said it was normal with this distance and all”, he hurried to explain. It felt ten times worse when someone else was worried, too, and he was itching to go.

“Of course we'll go. I want to check in with Matt, too.” Pidge said.

“Rebel base it is then”, Hunk announced.

 

As they came closer to the base's location, bits and pieces of conversations drifted onto their channels. Allura managed to get contact with some rebel, who said that the galra cruiser, from where the bomb apparently was controlled, had been blown to pieces. How, they didn't know, which for some reason only made Lance more anxious.

When they were only a couple of minutes out, someone contacted them directly. Pidge beamed at her brother as his face appeared on each of their screens. But his face didn't mirror the happiness. It was somber and he looked ever so regretful. The others soon noticed and quieted down.

“What's wrong, Matt?” Allura asked cautiously.

“I...” his voice broke. “I'm so sorry. You might have, have heard about the galra cruiser, the one that exploded?”

“Yes? What about it?” Lance asked, getting more and more frightened by the second.

“It... Well, Keith, he...” Lance felt his blood go cold. “We knew we had to penetrate the shield surrounding the ships, but our weaponry couldn't handle it”, Matt continued, voice shaky. “And so he, he... He flew into it. Crashed his ship against it. He saved us. He saved everyone. I am so sorry.”

Lance felt as if his world froze at that exact moment. It couldn't be true. Matt was telling him it was, but it simply couldn't. It wasn't possible.

“What?” Lance realised he'd said the last part out loud.

“It can't have been him”, he explained rationally. “You must've mistaken yourself. Keith didn't do that.”

“Lance, I'm sorry...”

“Why? Why are you sorry? Keith is fine!” It was meant to come out powerful and sure, but his voice broke halfway and he realised he was holding back sobs.

“He... He's fine... He must be... Right? He must be...!”

“I don't think...” Hunk didn't finish his sentence.

“I don't believe you. He can't be... Have you searched the cruiser? The space around it? His ship must be somewhere, right?”

“Yeah, Lance. We're searching right now. But you've gotta realise, it's looking dark. There's only rubble left of that fleet...” Matt trailed off.

“We're going to help. I'm with Lance. I won't believe it until I... until I see it, with my own eyes” Pidge contributed.

“Yeah, we're going to look. Come on, we better split up.” Shiro hadn't said anything up until now, but his voice was surprisingly steady.

“Lance and Pidge are right. We won't give up hope. Never.”

“I'm with you”, the princess said. They broke off, flying towards the massacred cruiser. The closer and closer they got, they could see pieces of broken ships floating around. Explosions were still going off, and Lance had to choke down a sob at the scene. Keith did this... He did it to save everyone's life... He couldn't be dead. Lance wasn't going to let that happen. Not yet. Not now. He refused, and Lance was stubborn. If he wanted something, he was going to make it happen, no matter what. Keith was alive. There wasn't any other alternative.

Those were the thoughts that kept him going as he circled the scene, only seeing more and more examples of the havoc wrecked upon the fleet. There were barely any enemies left, and the few that remained were quickly being shot down or captured by the rebels. He wanted them to stop, afraid they were going to shoot Keith if he showed himself, but he knew that they couldn't let their enemies get away. The risk was necessary, but he hated it. Shiro spoke up as they closed in on the area.

“Pidge, Allura, you have the most agile lions, so circle the cruiser and see if you can spot anything from the lions. Hunk, you'll also stay in your lion, try and help to clear any of the rubble to make the search easier. Just make sure there isn't anyone in there.”

“Sure”, they all confirmed.

“Lance, you're going with me in the spacesuits. We might be able to see and reach places the lions won't. Alright?”

“Yeah.”

“And if anyone finds him... Contact the others and bring him to the closest peaceful planet. I'd suggest the one the marmorites had their base. Allura, could you send the coordinates to the rest off us?”

“Sure”, she answered, and a couple of seconds later, a string of numbers appeared on Lance's screen.

“Okay. Engage.” Pidge, Allura and Hunk shot away in their lions, and Lance began strapping away his safety belt when Shiro's voice crackled in his helmet again.

“Lance, hang on a second.” He realised it only was the two of them on the line now.

“Yeah?”

“Whatever we find or not out there... Know that Keith would be proud of you. He loved you, you know.” Lance sniffled.

“I know. But what if he isn't... if he's...”

“I know, Lance. I know. But we gotta keep hoping. We're not gonna stop search until we find him or... or proof.”

“O-okay. Thank you, Shiro.”

“It was nothing. Now come on.” Lance removed his helmet to wipe his eyes quickly before putting it on again and emerging from his lion. Shiro was to his left, already boosting himself towards the wreck. Lance followed closely, keeping an eye on every piece of rubble he flew past. They soon had to split up, Shiro searching the smaller pieces floating around while Lance moved closer to the ship's core, looking through the still intact floors. He had his blaster ready at his side in case any hostile galras had survived the explosions and were now lurking around. But as he scouted the cruiser, he barely saw any signs of anyone.

"Come on, Keith”, he muttered to himself. “I know you're somewhere here. You have to be.” But his thoughts told him otherwise. What if Keith isn't here? Will the others keep searching? Or will they declare Keith lost? Will Allura command them to stop? But what if he really is inside? What if he's inside but not... not alive? Lance didn't know if he could take that. Keith was alive. No one could argue with him about that.

Lance suddenly thrusted his head up from where he's examined some pieces of torn apart metal. Someone had groaned. He was sure of it; and it was close to him, too. Someone else was around here. He felt his heart thumping rapidly in his chest. He couldn't get his hopes up now. It could be an enemy. It could be the sound of the hull tearing. But no, the sound had been human. Lance crept along the wall, blaster in front of him. His blood pumped in his ears, accompanying his fast breathing and beating heart. He peaked around the wall, and inhaled sharply. A pile of something that vaguely looked like a small galran space craft was pushed into the wall, scorch marks all around it. And there, on the floor a couple of feet to the left, was a body. A body in grey and purple armour and black hair. Lance threw caution out of the window and rushed to its side. He carefully tilted the head, to afraid to move the body itself.

It was Keith.

“Keith? Keith, can you hear me?” he asked desperately. Unconscious or... No. Frantically, he searched for a pulse with his shaking fingers, pressing them against the other boy's throat. He waited several long seconds before a faint, flickering beat caught his attention. Not dead. Lance almost fainted on the spot of relief, but he reminded himself that it was far from over. It was an understatement to call Keith's body battered. He didn't have any helmet; if he'd taken it off earlier or if it had come of in the crash Lance didn't know. A streak of blood coloured his cheek and was drying in his hair, making it stiff under Lance's touch. With a wave of nausea he realised that was a lot of blood for a head injury. He swallowed it down.

“Shiro?” His voice sounded shaky in his own ears as he contacted the rest of the team.

“Yeah, Lance?” The older man tried to stay calm, but Lance could spot the urgency behind the feigned calm.

“I... I found him.” He could hear several breaths hitch.

“Is he...?” Pidge asked.

“Yeah, yeah he is”, Lance breathed out. “But he's injured. Severely. I think I need some help...” His eyes glanced over to Keith body, where darker areas stained his suit in far too many places. His arm was bent strangely, as was his foot. Spots invaded Lance's vision as he realised that something white protruded from the ankle. Bone. He promptly turned around and threw up on the floor. He could hear his team-mates's voices like a cacophony of sound from his helmet, but couldn't concentrate. It must've taken several minutes for him to focus again, because when he tuned in again, Shiro was commanding the others to search for the two.

“Shiro...” he called weakly.

“Lance! Where are you at?” Shiro immediately asked. Lance forced himself to look up, taking in the details of his surroundings. Uh, a quite large floor. Pretty intact, and uh, there's a sign on the wall saying 4C-2683.” He could practically hear Shiro think.

“Okay. Stay right where you are. We're going to find you. And listen Lance, I hate to ask this but... do you think you can look over his injuries. It's important that he doesn't lose anymore blood than he already has if he's bleeding.”

“Uh, okay. Okay, I'll try. I'll try...” he repeated, more to himself than to Shiro.

“Good. You're doing great, I promise. We'll be there as soon as we can.”

Lance took a deep breath. He had to this. It was Keith's life that mattered. Slowly he turned back to the battered teen. He decidedly ignored the ankle. He couldn't do anything for it without making it worse, not with his limited skill-set and lacking of supplies. Instead, he focused on Keith's upper body. The blades' armour was constructed differently from the paladins, and it took Lance some time figuring out how to get it open. The whole time, he was speaking gently to Keith in the hopes that it would keep him hanging on. The other boy grunted from time to time, but it was not conscious, only reflexes from the pain being inflicted when Lance finally separated the chest piece from Keith's body. He had a dark grey undershirt beneath, but it was torn and tattered beyond recognition. He gently pushed and prodded the skin, quickly pulling away when Keith drew a sharp breath. When Lance looked closer, he could see bruising already starting to form over the ribs. Probably broken. He could only hope that they hadn't inflicted any internal damage. He moved over to Keith's other side, peeling away the suit from his right side. He tried to ignore the way the fabric was wet and stained his suit a bright red. Blood covered the skin here, like some bizarre mural. Lance swallowed down bile as he found the source of the blood. A piece of metal, lodged right beneath Keith's heart. A couple of inches higher, and it would've pierced the organ. Blood was lazily pumping from the wound. Either it meant that it hadn't hit a major vein, which was good. But it could also be that it had pierced one of the arteries, and he was already bleeding out, losing blood at such speed that he was already being drained. Lance clutched Keith's hand. It was much too cold for his liking, and he hurried to press his fingers against the other boy's throat again. There was still a pulse, but it was even weaker now, and Keith's breathing had turned wheezing and forced. Lance gulped. He searched his surroundings for something to tie the wound with, finding nothing but Keith's suit itself. He tore some of the fabric off the right leg, seemingly undamaged. He didn't remember much from the first aid-classes he'd had, but putting pressure on an open wound was one of them, so as far as it was possible, he arranged the cloth on the wound, pushing down on it with his hands. He winced as Keith groaned again, twisting powerlessly under his palms.

“I'm sorry, Keith. I'm sorry.” He kept repeating it like a mantra, not being able to stop, not until Shiro contacted him again.

“Lance, we know where you are. We're coming. What's his status?”

“He's still breathing on his own, but the pulse is weak, and he's bleeding, and i'm trying to stop it but I don't, I can't, I don't know...”

“Lance”, Shiro said firmly. “He's breathing, and that's what matters. You're doing great, okay. We'll be there soon. Just hold on, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah...” he said shakily. “I'm holding on. We're holding on. You're going to be okay, Keith. Things became blurred after that. He had a vague memory of Pidge and Shiro bursting around the corner, Hunk and Allura not long after. Hunk holding him as he cried, Shiro and Allura crouching besides Keith. Pidge rattling off statistics and instructions. And then everything became clearer again, as if someone had calibrated his eyes to work again.

“Lance? Lance can you hear me?” He nodded.

“Good”, Pidge said. “Shiro is going to take him to his lion and fly him to safety. Hunk can take your lion in his claws if you'd rather stay in the black lion with Keith. Besides, I'm a bit worried about you flying in this state.”

“Yeah, yeah, I'll do that.” The next second, he could see Shiro lifting Keith up, and a blood curling scream tore through the space, and he blacked out in Hunk's arms.


	2. White walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and co are waiting for news about Keith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tadaa! Two chapters in what, three days? Isn't that something to be proud of? This is shorter, and not as thought through as the other, but i needed to get past this state. might go back and change it later (probably not, though;))

When Lance woke up again, he was no longer in his spacesuit. At first, it freaked him out, because he didn't remember taking it off and he shouldn't be able to breathe and... Then he realised that he could, in fact, breathe. Conclusion: he was no longer out in space, but on a planet or in an intact ship. He began to take in his surroundings more and more, the cloud of blackness clearing from his head. He was lying on a sort of couch, a blanket placed over his upper body.

Someone had stripped him off his armour, but he was still in in the black undersuit they all had to wear. The next thing he noticed was that he wasn't alone.

Someone snored close to his right, seemingly sitting in a chair next to the couch he was on. With a grunt, he sat up. He must've taken some worse hits than he thought on Naxzela, because his everything was either sore or throbbing. He looked around, seeing Hunk sound asleep in the chair next to his. He poked the other teen cautiously on the bicep. Hunk had changed into his normal clothes, and taken a shower, too, judging by the smell, or rather, lack of it. He poked again, harder this time, and Hunk slowly came to.

“Huh...? Lance! You're awake! God, I was so worried, you just passed out, and I...”

“Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Do you know where Keith is? Is he okay?” He cut off. Hunk immediately became more somber.

“He's in there, with Shiro. The medics are working on him.” Hunk nodded towards a door in the corner of the room they were in. lance just now realised that it was similar to the waiting rooms at hospitals down on earth.

“What about the castle? Can't they just put him in a pod?”

“They can't. Galra genes, remember? According to Allura, it'd probably do more harm than good. And we can't risk that in his current state.” Lance looked at Hunk with wide eyes.

“Will he be okay?”

“I... I don't know man. They're doing everything they can. Let's just hope that's enough, alright?” Lance could feel the stinging in his eyes.

“Sure”, he sniffled. “Sure.”

 

Pidge showed up after awhile. Lance wasn't sure how long it took until she was suddenly there with them, the concept of time had turned somewhat blurry. Her arm was in a sling and she had bruises covering the left side of her face, but she still smiled softly when she saw them.

“Hi.”

“Hi”, Lance responded. And then, “What happened to you?”

“Took some bad hits at Naxzela. Didn't notice until the adrenaline wore off. They fixed it just now. I insisted on that I was fine, but Matt wouldn't stop losing his shit until they looked me up. He's down the hall with Allura, by the way.” Lance nodded apathetically, and both Hunk and Pidge knew he didn't really listen.

“Look, man”, Hunk began.

“You should really take a shower. You stink.” Pidge finished.

“I can't leave. I have to know how he is...” Lance trailed off.

“They won't be done for another couple of hours, I can guarantee you that. Look, you're covered in blood and you look like absolute shit. Clean up, change clothes, you know. You'll feel better afterwards, I promise. I can find some clothes that you can borrow.” Pidge's voice was softer than usual, with almost no trace of her usual snarky attitude. Lance hesitated.

“Fine. But if they tell you anything, and I mean anything, tell me as fast as you can.”

“Of course, buddy. Now go clean up. There's a shower room down the hall, behind that door, right there.” Hunk pointed out the place for him. “I'll bring in the clothes.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

“No problem, man.” Lance shuffled to stand up, pulling the blanket away from himself. He only now noticed how tired he was, despite the fact that he'd just slept (been unconscious? Did you get energy from that? He didn't know.) He quickly turned to Hunk.

“How long was I out for?”

“Only about an hour. Don't worry, you didn't miss anything important.” Lance let his shoulders relax.

“Okay.” He turned, leaving the two of them behind. He could hear that they started talking about something, but didn't bother listening. He was soon out of hearing distance, anyway. He hurried towards the door Hunk had pointed out for him, suddenly eager to clean himself. Blood was indeed all over him. It had dried in his hair, making it stiff, it crumbled under his nails, made his clothes sticky and itching. He felt nauseous. Keith's blood. Stop it, he told himself. Keith will be fine. There are doctors helping him right now. Shiro's with him. Everything will be fine. He barely registered walking past the open door which led into the room where Matt and Allura talked, only heard someone call his name, causing him to stop and back a few steps.

“Yeah?”

“Are you quite alright, Lance?” It was Allura who asked.

“Yeah, princess. I'm just gonna take a shower.” Matt's gaze was stern as it fell upon him, and Lance felt his insides churn.

“What he did was very brave”, Pidge's brother said to him.

“I know.” Lance pushed back the tears. “Thanks.” He might seem impolite, but he left it at that, power walked the remaining couple of metres to the shower room. It was empty when he walked in, thank god. Quickly, he peeled the black suit of off him and claimed the closest shower. They were simple, surrounded by small booths that provided privacy. He was glad for that. The second the water was falling, his tears was, too. He ignored them as much as he could, scrubbing away the blood from his skin. He rinsed his hair, the red that had crusted there flaking between his fingers. He felt sick at the thought of that it used to flow inside of Keith's veins. He kept scrubbing, until his skin was red not with blood but soreness. He kept scrubbing until he felt raw all over. He kept scrubbing until he dropped the brush on the floor and couldn't muster the strength to pick it up again. And still he felt as if the red, sticky substance was covering him, suffocating him. Lance sank to the floor, shaking with sobs. His heart ached, his mind was being blown to pieces, his soul was split in two.

_I can't lose him. I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't_

_I think I'll just cease to exist. My being won't be able to exist without him being there._

_I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't_

_What if he's already dead? What if I'm already disappearing, slowly losing my mind?_

_I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't_

_What if there'll be nothing left of me when Hunk comes in?_

_I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't_

Lance's breath came in short puffs, his lungs not able to conjure enough strength to pull in air. He felt his throat closing, his jaw setting.his head felt light, as if it was soaring a couple of feet above the rest of his body.

_I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I CAN'T_

He realised he's been quietly sobbing everything out loud. He also realised that he was no longer getting any oxygen.

_You can, baby. It's alright. You're safe here. You'll be alright. We'll be alright, baby. I love you okay? Just breathe, baby. That's it, in and out, breathe._

Lance's own voice echoed in his mind, a memory from all the times he'd soothed Keith, brought him out from a panic attack. They'd sat pressed against each other, feeling the other's heartbeats through their chests, just breathing in harmony. Now the memory of his own voice helped him calm, until his breathing returned to it's normal. He had to stay strong. Keith wasn't gone, not yet. He couldn't break down, he had to be the strong of the two, provide some sense of safety if Keith, no, when Keith woke up. Whatever waited them, he was going to face it head on. He had to be there for his boyfriend, even in times of doubt.

Keith had stayed strong for him, and now it was his turn. He was not giving up, not yet. We gotta keep hoping, Shiro's voice echoed. And they had found him, hadn't they? It could be worse, but they had found him, he'd been alive. Injured, yes, but alive. That was all that mattered for the moment. He clung onto that thought, as if it was his anchor in a storming sea. In a way, it was. He stood up in the shower again, just as the door opened.

“Hey man”, Hunk's voice sounded. “I'll leave some clothes here on the bench for you.”

“Thanks.” Lance's voice was hoarser than he'd expected it be, more broken, but if Hunk noticed, he didn't comment it.

Five minutes later, he was all dressed and ready to go back to the waiting room. There wasn't a clock in the room, and even if it was, Lance doubted it would've shown him the time in terms he knew, like dobashes or hours. But his inner clock told him that he'd been in the shower for about thirty minutes. It was really time for him to get back. Something could've changed with Keith. But before he went back to Pidge and Hunk, he leaned his forehead against the tiled, cold wall. It was moist from the steam of his shower, and he enjoyed the cool surface against his skin after the hot shower. It helped him think. He had to keep it together when he got back to his friends. He couldn't allow himself to break down again. He drew a couple of deep breaths and pushed away from the wall, determination clear in his features. They would get through this. They had to.

When he arrived at the waiting room, Matt and Allura was also there. He greeted them with a small wave and sat down on the couch, next to Hunk. Pidge was perched on the back of it, clicking away on some small device while talking to Matt. She never once looked up from the screen. Hunk slung an arm around Lance's shoulders when he sat down.

“Hey, there.”

“Hey. Any news?”

“Not yet.” Silence filled the room, asides from Pidge's occasional comments aimed at Matt, and his responses. From what Lance could make out between all the science terms, she was in the process of hacking into what was left of the cruiser's hard drive, trying to pull some information from it. For what cause, Lance didn't know.

“Hey, I was going to find something to eat? Anyone want something?” Matt spoke up after about twenty minutes.

“Yeah, I'll take something”, Hunk answered.

“Me too”, Pidge mumbled, still not looking up from the device.

“Lance?” His stomach grumbled demandingly, and he sighed.

“Sure. Thanks.” He really didn't have an appetite, but he had to take care of himself. He had to be at Keith's side when he woke up, and to be able to support him, he couldn't be starving himself. Matt left, and they all fell quiet. Lance was on the verge of getting up and pacing the room just for something to do when the door in the corner was opened, and they all spun in that direction. It had been several hours, surely they knew how Keith was by now. But there wasn't any doctors, just Shiro. He looked tired and older than usual. His skin was much paler than normal and it was stained with blood in places. He moved almost sluggishly, like he was exhausted. Nobody said anything. They'd waited so long for the moment that now when it was here, they were unprepared. Shiro didn't say anything either, just collapsed in the closest chair. The door had already closed behind him.

“Hi, guys.”

“Are you alright? You look horrible.” Allura looked concerned. Lance wanted to ask him how Keith was doing so badly, but it was as if his mouth had been sealed. Matt solved the problem. He came walking back, his arms full of various food-looking items, all a bit questionable-looking, when he got sight of Shiro. The food fell abandoned on the floor as he ran up to the other man.

“Shiro! Are you okay? When did you get out? How's Keith?” Shiro held up his hand to stop the flow of questions.

“I'm fine.” There was a long pause, and Lance felt how he turned cold. Why didn't he say anything about Keith? What if he was... if he was...

“Shiro”, he began shakily. “What. About. Keith?” Shiro drew a deep, ominous breath.

“He's... stable, for now.” Lance felt a wave of relief, closely followed by suspiciousness.

“But?” He asked.

“But... They don't know if he's going to wake up.” It was as if the whole room had been hit by a shock-wave. Pidge was the first to move.

“What do you mean they don't know if he's going the wake up?” Pidge was snarky a lot of the time, but this was pure poison in her voice.

“He's not in mortal danger right now, but it's possible that he'll go into a coma, and...”

“That sounds fucking dangerous to me!” Pidge cut off.

“Katie!” Matt stopped her. “Cut him some slack. It isn't his fault.” Pidge's shoulders slumped.

“I know. I just... I'm afraid we'll lose him...”

“We all are”, Allura said empathetically.

“I'm sorry, Shiro.” Pidge hung her head.

“It's alright, Pidge. I understand.”

“But, can you tell us, like, how he is, really?” Hunk carefully asked. Shiro nodded.

“I guess it's fair that you know. He, uh, he needed a blood transfusion...”

“You gave him your blood?” Matt immediately interrupted. “Are you okay? Doesn't that make you like, really tired or so?” Shiro gave him half a smile.

“I'm fine. Exhausted, but fine. Anyway, so he's not suffering from blood loss any more, at least not severe. He had a few broken bones, especially bad was his ankle.” Lance could feel the black spots appear in his vision as he remembered the bone poking out from Keith's leg, but he blinked the away. This wasn't the time.

Shiro continued.

“And, uh, he had a piece of metal lodged in his chest. It didn't hit his heart, put it pierced one of his lungs. He had a concussion, and a couple of other things.

Quite serious head trauma, but I didn't understand everything they said. The thing was, in order to set the bones and patch up everything else, they had to put him in an artificial coma. It's quite usual, and I want you to understand, they warned me beforehand and I chose to let them to it. The catch is that with all of his injuries, especially the head trauma, he might not be able to wake up from it.”

“So you let them put him in a coma?” Lance said, voice shaking.

“Lance, listen, if I hadn't, he might've already been dead. It was necessary.”

“But what if he doesn't wake up? That's just as worse!” Lance could feel the rage build up inside of him.

“Lance...” Hunk began.

“No! Why would you do that! What if I can never talk to him again! What if he's... he's gone... Shiro, I can't, I can't do that.” He was standing up now, and Shiro was, too. Huh. He didn't notice when that happened.

“Lance, please, calm down. You have to breath.” But he couldn't. This wasn't like it was in the shower. Then he still hadn't known what was going on with Keith. But now... Now it was like staring down in to a deep, black abyss every time he thought of his boyfriend. He didn't want that.

“No, no, Shiro, I can't, I can't, he's not, he's not...” His words died out in sobs, and before he knew it, he was clutched to Shiro's firm chest, being tightly hugged by Keith's brother.

“I know, Lance. I know. I feel the same, but it was for the best, alright? The chances of him surviving are bigger his way, and isn't that what matters, in the end?” Lance sniffled and stifled his sobs.

“Yeah. Sorry.” He began pulling away from Shiro, embarrassment burning his cheeks. But Shiro reined him in again, hugged him even tighter. Soon, he felt the others joining the hug. Pidge, Hunk, Matt, even Allura. They were all there, together. And Lance allowed himself to cry. Because whatever happened, he wasn't alone. They were almost as close as family at this point. Neither he nor Keith were going to have to go through this alone. They weren't only sad tears this time. They held hope, relief and the pure feeling of safeness.

* * *

 

They had eventually been assigned some sleeping quarters. The base itself was quite small, but the population was part of the coalition and gladly provided whatever was needed. At first, Lance was reluctant to leave Keith in the base, but Shiro promised him the two of them would be fine. The black paladin would stay with Keith, just in case anything happened. If there were space for one more, Lance would've definitely stayed, but it was cramped as it was already. So he was convinced to follow the other paladins and sleep in the village. Coran had yet to get to the planet. They'd informed him of the circumstances, and he was on his way, but he had to make several stops on the way to see to the members of the coalition. If the pods had been needed he would've come immediately, but they were still useless to Keith, and the others' injuries was minor.

Which was why he was lying in an unfamiliar bed, staring up at the unfamiliar cracks and dents in the ceiling as he let his thoughts speed freely. Pidge, Hunk and Matt had their rooms next to his. They were staying in the closest city's inn, a couple of miles from the marmora base. Allura had been offered a room in the mayor's house. The people were very fascinated by her, and she'd said yes to their request, a mere diplomatic gesture. Lance got the feeling that she would've preferred living at the inn with them, or much rather, in the castle. Lance would, too. He hoped Coran was getting there soon.

The quality off the inn was questionable. It was like a cross between a medieval pub and a motel in Oregon. The walls were as thin as paper, and Lance could hear every time Hunk turned in his bed, as well as his snores. His friend must already have been fast asleep. And why shouldn't he? It had been a long day, filled with physical and emotional straining. Lance was exhausted, both in mind and body. And still he couldn't settle down. It was as if the adrenaline was still running. He was still expecting an attack, or a message that told him that something even worse had happened to Keith. He almost expected someone to burst in and tell him his boyfriend had deceased during the night and he hadn't even been able to see him one last time. He had asked Shiro if he could see Keith before they went to the village, but Shiro had only shaken his head apologetically.

“I'm sorry. They are still making sure he'll be okay for now. Even I'm not allowed in for another couple of hours. Only reason I was before was so that I could transfer my blood.” That had been the explanation, and it was logical. But it still hurt Lance to think about it.

The paranoia stayed with him all night, and he lay staring at the ceiling until the first rays of the planet's sun rose above the horizon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used to have panic attacks when i was younger, so LAnce's is entirely based on my own experience, but everyone's is different, so yeah. also, the thing about the pods not working with galra genes is just something i've seen in other fics and is needed for this to be logical, so that's why that's a thing.  
> Comments and kudos are highly appreciated!  
> Also, the italics i'm writing in my other programme doesn't transfer to here. does someone know how you can make it italics in ao3:s writing programme?


	3. My head's under water but I'm breathing fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get to see Keith's pov of the situation. Also, brief appearance from Shiro, as well as Kolivan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I felt like this chapter is a bit repetitive, and I still haven't gotten myself a beta, so. You just have to bear with me. Also, chapter title from the song All of me by John Legend.

The first he registered was the beeping. It was a steady, even sound, coming from his right. Or was it left? Or up...? He couldn't tell in which direction the sound came from. Why couldn't he tell where it came from? It was as if it was echoing all around him, just existing.

He had always had excellent hearing. He should be able to hear from where the beeping came. He wasn't. Conclusion: something was off.

The next thing he became aware of was the light. Mostly, his view was entirely black, but occasionally, spots of light danced across the surface, dancing and whirling. He didn't know how much time he spent on tracing them, trying to figure out what the source of them were. It only dawned on him after several hundred spots that maybe he should try to open his eyes. As soon as this idea came to him, it felt strange, absurd even, that he hadn't tried it before. But then, when he tried, he found that he couldn't remember how to. It was like asking someone that can wiggle their ears how they do it. You just... do it. And all of a sudden, he'd forgotten how to. There should be something very distressing about this, he reckoned, but he couldn't quite bring himself to be worried about it. He wasn't in any pain, why should anything be wrong. And so he continued staring at the spots of light. But now there was something nagging at his peace.

He should be able to open his eyes, right? He remembered he used to be able to. It began to scare him a little.

He lined up what he'd found out in his head; he could no longer hear like he used to. He couldn't open his eyes. He was strangely calm about the entire situation, which ironically worried him. Right. As he thought about these things, he could feel clouds hovering over his consciousness beginning to clear. For each piece of mind he was being given back, he realised how much he'd craved it. It was as if... as if he wasn't aware of the loss until the lost thing was being brought back, and then he suddenly couldn't fathom how he'd ever been able to function without it. And now he was getting scared, seriously scared. This wasn't normal, he told himself. He decided to concentrate on the beeping again, being the first thing he'd connected to. He still couldn't decide a direction as to where it was coming from. It was as if he was floating in darkness; he just wasn't able to tell up or down or left or right – there simply wasn't anything like that.

He just was. And so was the darkness. And that was it. But it couldn't be right – the beeping was also there, somewhere. And if he concentrated hard enough, he could distinguish other sounds. Muffled breaths. Sheets rustling. That must mean there was something solid somewhere. Sheets couldn't just rustle without a body of mass making them, or possibly a wind, some sort of current. So, he probably wasn't technically in the darkness, it only felt like he was. Then, where was he, really? He was fairly certain he hadn't moved since he came to, so surely there had to be someone else in the... somewhere he was.

Someone that had made the sheets rustle.

And then the Someone touched his hand.

It was as if a whole new epiphany had been discovered. He was lying down, on the sheets, and Someone had touched his hand. The hand – it was a hand – had rough callouses on the fingers and right below them, in the palms. The nails were short and well-maintained, and the knuckles were dry and split open. A name floated towards him in the darkness.

Shiro.

Garrison. Iverson. Kerberos. The lions. The alteans. The castle. The galra. Pidge. Hunk. Allura. Coran. Lance. Zarkon. Battles full of screaming and fire.

Wormholes and exotic planets. The rebels. Blade of Marmora. His heritage. The coalition. Naxzela.

And most important of all; his name.

Keith.

He was Keith, and he wondered what the fuck was going on.

He was lying in a bed, unable to move, or even open his eyes, Shiro was holding his hand and he hadn't remembered his name up until a couple of seconds ago.

_What. The. Fuck. Was. Wrong. With. Him?_

Now that he was so very aware of everything, his inability to move was driving him insane. It was suffocating, knowing Shiro was right there but not being able to tell Shiro he was right there, too. He almost, almost wished he could go back to the darkness. Ignorance is bliss, as they say. He'd never quite understood that saying until now. And what a way to see it's true meaning, he thought to himself. But he was getting off-track. He needed to conclude exactly what was going on with him, why he couldn't control his body, why he'd suffered a brief case of amnesia and why Shiro was sitting at his bedside and... and cried?

If Keith could've, he would have stiffened. As it was now, he simply lay.

“Keith, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry. I always knew you were reckless, but I never thought... I never thought it would actually lead to this. I hadn't even imagined the scenario. Oh god, Keith, what should I do?” What was going on? What was it he had done that had wrecked Shiro so very much?

“And now you're in a coma and I don't know what to do and I'm rambling and what if you don't wake up and oh god...” Keith thought he could actually feel his breath stutter this time. He was in a coma? But... but he couldn't be. It was impossible. He was right there! He could hear everything, he could feel again! It must be a mistake, why in the world would he be...

Oh.

Naxzela.

That would explain it.

But still... He didn't feel like he was in a coma. He just felt as if he were... sleeping but aware of everything around him? Yeah, that did sound bad. He desperately tried to recall everything he'd ever learned about people in coma. Was there any time limit as to how long you could be in one? Could you communicate in any way? Was there any guarantee that he would be waking up?

All of the answers were no.

This was bad. This was real bad. Keith thought he knew the extent of that word by now. He'd seen his only friend, his brother, go up in space and be declared dead. He'd seen the look on everyones' faces as they found out he was galra. He'd seen Shiro's empty chair in the black lion.

There was more to bad than he'd first anticipated. This was bad, no, this was worse. This was as bad as it could get. This was, in fact, terrible. And he had no idea how to cope with it.

Shiro had begun talking again. “They say you can hear everything I say. The doctors, I mean. But you feel so... far away. Like you're not even in this universe anymore. Like you're in an entirely different dimension. And I want to believe that you can hear me. I want to believe it so badly. But it's so hard...” Keith felt his heart clench in his chest. It broke his heart to hear his brother so desperate, and not being able to help. Not being able to anything but to simply lie there, being forced to listen as Shiro tried to muffle his sobs, no escape nor way to help.

He was a prisoner in his own mind, and it was horrible.

Shiro fell asleep after awhile. Keith figured it had to be quite late, because Shiro had talked a long time. When he was no longer occupied with listening to his adoptive brother, he had more time than enough to figure out the circumstances of his being. He was in a coma, all right. He was fairly sure they weren't in the castle, because Shiro had mentioned doctors. Nor could he hear the usual humming from its engines. Besides, the last thing he could recall of the castle was that Coran had taken it to the other side of the universe, and Allura had been with Voltron, so he couldn't wormhole. He was most likely still on his way to... wherever he and Shiro was. He wondered if the other paladins were there, too, and the princess. Most of all, he wondered where “there” was. The frustration about being so physically incapacitated while so mentally active was driving him over the edge. It was something so incredibly infuriating about his situation. Shiro wouldn't tell him anything about what had happened, and Keith didn't blame him. His first priorities wouldn't be to tell Shiro what colour the bed sheets were if the situation was reversed. He understood. But at the same time, he wished so badly for someone to fill in his gaps. He could recall the moments before slamming into the force field, but after that, it was blank. A white cloud in his mental timeline, interrupted by flashes of pain and agonising screams, some that he was pretty sure belonged to him.

It scared him, not knowing what was going on. For all he knew, some other paladin could lie next to him, clinging on to life, or worse... already gone. He pushed the thought away. No. He'd done everything he possibly could to save them. They had to be safe. They just had to.

He occupied himself with those thoughts, until eventually, his mind drifted freely. He went into a sort of trance, just going back to the black Before-scape, where everything was empty and easy. He didn't think it was possible for his brain to actually sleep, since technically. It already did. He didn't entirely understand the mechanics for a coma, and he couldn't exactly ask anyone. But he figured that returning to the nothingness was the closest his mind could get to rest. He was glad he could zone out somewhat, because if he was going to be stuck with nothing but his own thoughts for god knows how long, he was positive he was going to turn insane before the week's end.

A new sound startled him from the Before-scape. The dip in the mattress next to him, that he had subconsciously registered, was no longer there. Shiro must've left him sometime during his time in the Before-scape. This knowledge unnerved him somewhat; he'd always felt as if he was carrying around a little piece of safety, of home, whenever Shiro was around. He never quite noticed it unless someone took it away, as the case was with most of the great things in life.

The sound came again, and this time he realised it was the door's hinges. Someone must've opened it the first time, and was now letting it close. He hoped it would be Shiro, but something said it wasn't. Heavy boots thumped against the floor, carrying a sense of doom. Keith felt nervousness bubble up inside of him. He wanted so badly to open his eyes, to not be left in the dark, literally, but he couldn't. He couldn't, and now there was a possible stranger in the same room as him, and he couldn't assess the situation. It was scaring the shit out of him. The steps came closer to his presumed bed, and was closely followed by a deep voice.

“Keith. This is Kolivan.” Keith immediately felt himself relax. Kolivan he could trust. Kolivan would tell him what was going on, in his straight forward and cold way. Keith had both resented and admired his way of handing sensitive matters in the past, and now he knew that it was exactly what he needed. Someone that could be stern with him, and not leave out the gruesome details. He could do with some gruesome by now. Just to get to feel something real.

“Our doctors have informed us that you should be able to hear every word we speak, so I'm acting based on that assumption. I'm here to inform you about the situation, as well as our plans further on. You were immobilised when trying to disable the force field surrounding a galra cruiser. The cruiser held the weapons, as well as the witch controlling them, that was threatening Voltron, Naxzela and several surrounding solar systems. It was a necessary sacrifice in order to destroy the ship and save thousands of lives. You have made your commanders proud. Voltron made it out with very small casualties, and none of your friends were seriously harmed. Neither did the populations of the surrounding planets suffer any casualties. A few rebel ships were damaged, but none as seriously as your own. Which lead me to my next subject. We are currently at our nearby base, from where you operated during the attack on Naxzela. The rest of the paladins are here as well, but in a village close by. You are in a coma, from which the doctors can't be certain you will wake up from.” Never once did Kolivan's voice waver as he spoke the difficult words.

“You were severely injured in the crash. I won't tell you all of the injuries, since the list is too long and I don't have a lot of time. What I will tell you are our plans considering the future. Voltron will be given a couple of days to regroup. There is still a lot of work that needs to be done, and the most powerful team in the universe cannot neglect their duties for a long time. The week they've been given is already a bit of a stretch. Voltron will keep recruiting new allies, while the blade of the marmora will handle most of the repairs and casualties, as well as targeting our new goal. We have not included you in any of our plans, since it is agreed that if you do wake up anytime soon, your time should spent on recovery, not work. The black and the blue paladins was quite firm on this matter. However, I do personally agree. The fact that you even survived is a miracle. Your strength should be handled carefully for awhile.” For the first time Kolivan entered the room, his voice held some sort of emotion. Keith couldn't put his finger on it, but he sensed it was there. It could be regret, or maybe relief? It was hard to tell, especially since his only clue was the voice itself, not the expression of the galra's face or likewise things.

There was a long pause, and Keith almost assumed that Kolivan had left without him noticing, when the other galra raised his voice again.

“I've been informed that you have a very close band to the rest of the paladins. They all care for you very dearly, you know. Shiro said you might think that after you left to join us, the blade, the paladins would no longer pay you any thoughts. He wishes to inform you, however, that none of them feel that way. He felt that maybe you should listen more closely if it came from someone else than himself. When you were brought here by our doctors, they waited outside for several hours. None of them would leave until they'd got any news concerning your state. And even them, it was hard work convincing them to leave for the night.You should be very happy to have such friends. In the blade, we encourage close bands with your team-mates, at the same time as we tell you to be bale to let go quickly. Friendship leads to trust, trust leads to better results in missions, but at the same time, friendship makes the loss of someone infinitely harder to manage. Our men have been taught to forget about a friend the second they're dead. We tried to teach you this, and yet you never took our words to your heart. You never followed our advice to forget, cut all strings from a dead comrade. Now I understand why. And I also understand that maybe we are wrong in our ideology. Maybe we shouldn't be so keen to forget about our fallen ones. They deserve more. The friendships themselves deserve more. I've learned a lot from you and your friends, young paladin, and I have the feeling I yet have to learn much more. Keep that in mind. We still need you here. The blade. Your friends. The allies are considering you their role model. You're a martyr, a saint, a hero in war. This universe isn't ready to let go of you yet, Keith.”

Kolivan's boots echoed against the floor as he left Keith alone again, left to contemplate his words. He felt warm as he thought about what Kolivan had said about his friends missing him. He didn't want them to suffer or worry, but to know they still cared... It meant much more to him than he'd like to admit. Lance had tried to convince him that Pidge, Hunk, Shiro, Allura and Coran still saw him as their friend and team-mate, but he would be lying if he said he'd thought it was entirely true.

When he was no longer a needed asset to the team, why would anyone bother with him. But apparently they did, and that knowledge nursed a fire within him. A fire that could somehow keep him going, fuel his body and mind with its flames. He wondered if this was what people normally felt, people who had proper, biological families with no doubts if they were being loved, people who had all of the things he had wished for as a kid. If that case, he wondered how they were not all geniuses and great-minded people. With this new found fuel inside of him, he felt like a rocket ready to launch, like he was destined for great acts and were going to commit even greater. It was fascinating, really.

With the warming thought at the back of his head, he kept combing through Kolivan's speech, pulling out and examining the important parts. He now knew where he was, that his old team-mates were okay, and low-key what was going to happen the next couple of weeks. He couldn't deny that he felt relived at the fact that he'd be granted some rest when he woke up (when, not *if*, he had to tell himself). Sure, there was a constant lingering feeling that if he wasn't doing enough, if he didn't prove himself, the blade of marmora would no longer want him and throw him out, causing him to be an orphan not only back on earth but in space as well. Then he would've royally fucked up. He knew that it wouldn't happen; even if the blade didn't find him useful, they wouldn't just abandon him on first best planet. He would most certainly be offered a place back at the castle. Although he knew he wouldn't be comfortable there, not anymore. He would just linger around, with no clear purpose, feeling in the way of the others all the time. So yeah, he was usually quite anxious about getting some time off, even if it was the blade itself that granted him it. But Kolivan's voice, that held no reassurance whatsoever, still managed to calm him and tell him that wasn't going to happen.

Maybe it was because he was tired and delirious from pain he did not feel in his comatose state, but he actually felt okay with Kolivan's information. Which was a bit sick, because he was in a coma and had just gotten in confirmed that he might not be waking up. But then, Keith decided, he would had to be a bit sick. And it didn't bother him too much. Maybe he was losing his grip of reality, but he truly felt calm, maybe for the first time he'd left Voltron to work for the blade. He wasn't about to waste it by worrying about being calm, because that would just be stupid and counterproductive.

So he returned his focus to the light spots dancing across his field of view and allowing himself to drown in the Before-scape once again. Maybe it wasn't healthy to get lost so completely in one's own mind, but he figured it was sort of his version of sleep, and god knew he deserved some rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three finished. Please tell me if you'd like longer/shorter chapters or if this lenght is good. I try to aim for about four thousand words a chapter. Other comments as well as kudos are highly appreciation, and really give me motivation to write. So, if you want me to update faster, you now what to do;)  
> Until next time, I'm out


	4. Not Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance finally gets a chanche to see Keith. Feelings ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a bit too long, but I have a lot with school right now, and the drama group I'm participating in is part of a competition that's coming up and we're rehearsing a LOT. But yeah, hope you enjoy:)

Hunk had carefully knocked on his door about two hours after sun rise, not knowing that he had never gone to sleep.

“Lance? You awake yet?” Lance drew in a deep breath, bracing himself for the coming hours. He had spent the night trying to get used to the knowledge that his boyfriend was in a coma. It still startled him to admit it to himself, even though he'd done it for hours and hours on end. He'd thought he had prepared himself for the days to come, which was certainly going to be filled with too much emotion for anyone to handle and still not break down. He had already heard Hunk's whimpers through the wall. The yellow paladin's sleep seemed to be as infested with nightmares as Lance's would've been, if he'd actually slept.

Yet, he thought he would be able to stay strong. For his friends, for his boyfriend, for the universe. But when Hunk knocked on the door, reality became all to real again and he had to force down the tears. After a couple more calming breaths, he answered.

“Yeah. Come in.” Hunk did as he said, shuffled through the now open door. He seemed a bit perplex at the sight of Lance sitting in his bed on top of the covers, fully clothed, with dark circles under his eyes.

“Rough night?” Hunk asked sympathetically.

“Something like that.” He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood up, stretching his arms out over his head as he did so. His back was achingly stiff after sitting up against the wall halF of the night, and he grimaced as his shoulders popped.

“Where's Pidge?”

“I think she's already up. They're offering us breakfast downstairs. Care for some?” Lance opened his mouth to say that he wasn't particularly hungry, and hadn't been since the news about Keith, but his stomach beat him to it with a loud grumble. He dropped his arms to his side again.

“Sure.” He reminded himself of his thoughts from the shower. In order to take care of Keith, he had to take care of himself first. So he followed his friend down to the bottom floor of the inn. Smells similar to bacon and eggs seeped up the stairs, and made his stomach even more impatience for food. When they reached the dining room, Pidge was already sat at one of the tables. Several plates was stacked around her computer, which was perched on top of a jar of something that looked like granola. Her glasses glinted in the sunlight that was streaming in from the windows as she looked up towards them.

“Finally, sleepyheads.” But the malice in her voice lacked its usual sting. Lance could tell that she was just as broken as the rest of them, on the inside. But she dealt with it by carrying on as usual, by following her routines. Lance kind of admired her for managing that. Short after he and Hunk had sat down next to Pidge, two servants from the inn emerged from what he assumed was the kitchen. They were the same species as the ones who had greeted them last night, long and thin creatures, with the colour scheme of a dawn. Hues of blue, purple, pink, orange and yellow made their skin look almost enchanted, magical.

They had big eyes, sort of anime-looking, and in addition to their two arms, a pair of fins were attached to their shoulder blades. They smiled warmly as they asked if they wanted breakfast. Both Hunk and Lance nodded eagerly. Lance because he was hungry, and Hunk because, even though he was plagued by worry, his interest for other cultures food shone through his anxiety.

Shortly after they had finished their breakfast (which was odd, but not necessarily bad), Coran showed up at the inn's doorstep. The three of them had just been debating what they were supposed to do now, and when they could get back to Keith and the Marmora base, and were all quite relieved that someone who actually knew shit was back in charge.

“Paladins!”, he greeted them, only succeeding with reminding them of the absence of two of them. “I'm sorry for the lack of communication. Allura and I have been very busy at the Xierpans' castle.”

“Where is she?” Lance asked as Pidge said,

“Xierpans?”

“The species who inhabit the planet”, Coran clarified. “And the princess is still at the castle, fixing up the details concerning the coalition. My orders are to bring you to the base again. That is, of you'd like to? We assumed...”

“Of course we want to. When are we leaving?”

“Quite soon, if it's possible. In how long can you be ready?” Lance wanted to say that they could go right now in this second, but he was all to aware of his and his friends miserable appearance.

“A shower could be needed. Half a varga, possibly?” he suggested. Both Pidge and Hunk nodded in agreement.

Twenty dobashes later, they were all stood at the entrance. Coran smiled briskly at them and led them out of the door. Lance quietly pondered how he could be so positive with all this happening around him. But then again, the man's planet and every one of his people except one had been destroyed, and he still managed to carry on, calm and steadfast. Lance admired him, too, for that.

Their way of transport turned out to be a hovercraft, but designed to look like a medieval wagon, except with no wheels. It looked old and murky, and not very reliable. It was parked outside the inn, a chauffeur already standing outside. Coran climbed in confidently, leaving Pidge, Hunk and himself with no other choice than to follow his example. When the craft took off with a boom, startling the dust on the ground and speeding way over the grassy fields, Lance clutched onto Hunk, actually fearing for his life. Hunk seemed as scared as Lance, but Pidge and Coran was happily chatting away with the chauffeur-pilot about the wagon's mechanics. It only took them about fifteen dobashes to get to the base, significantly shorter than yesterday evening. Although, he was still a bit shaky on his legs as he crawled out of the craft. An then, all of a sudden, his legs were shaky due to an entirely different reason. The looming figure of the Blade's base towered before them, and he mentally had to remind himself that Keith was still in there, and he was still alive. He swallowed thickly and edged closer to Hunk, feeling his friend's support merely by being close to him. Together with Pidge, they followed Coran through the dark grey double doors leading into the building.

The air felt chilly in here, even though he'd practically been sweating out underneath this solar system's sun just moments ago. He shivered unwillingly, and squared his shoulders, as if going into a fight. In a way, he was. He begged to all gods he knew that they would let him see Keith as they walked up a pair of stairs. In some way, it felt like he was being tricked. Like Keith's was all right inside of those doors, that they were just not letting them see each other fore some pettish reason. Part of him still wasn't ready to believe the horrible truth until he saw it with his own eyes. But same worries got him the other way around. What if he really wasn't... wasn't not dead? What if they had all lied to him to spare his feelings? After all, it had been a hard impact on the force field.

Was it really possible to survive such a crash? What if Keith had died right there, in Lance's arms, and he hadn't even noticed? Bottom line being, he wasn't ready to believe anything anyone told him about Keith until he saw it himself. Keith being in a coma was too good and too bad at the same time to be true. It could be so much worse, but at the same time... Lance couldn't imagine a more mocking or cruel scenario.

Somewhere deep inside of him, he knew Shiro and the others would never lie to him about something so severe. But an ever deeper, almost instinctive voice still feared that Keith wasn't okay.

Coran dropped them off in a different waiting room this time.

“I will leave you now. Someone from the blade, or perhaps Matt, will tell you more eventually.”

“Hey, about that, where is he? He wasn't still at the inn this morning.” Pidge asked. Lance felt bad for not noticing her brother's absence, but to be fair, he had a lot on his mind at the time.

“Shiro requested his presence early this morning. He left for the base on his own, with our knowledge, of course.” Lance felt something stir inside of him. Why would Shiro want Matt's presence? Sure, they had been pals before Voltron, being on the Kerberos mission and all... Could it be that Shiro wanted his friend's emotional support. If so, why more now that earlier? Had something changed with Keith's condition? Had Keith somehow... He was brought back to the presence by Coran's voice.

“Anyway, goodbye for now. Allura and I might come by later. The blades will inform us if anything crucial happens to Keith.” Lance intestines twisted at his words, and Hunk must've noticed, because he placed a warm hand on Lance's shoulder.

“He'll be fine, Lance. Come on.” He guided his friend onto one of the couches and made sure he was comfortable before sitting down on a chair nearby. Pidge had already perched herself on top of the backrest of an armchair, laptop in front of her.

Soon after Coran left, Lance's eyelids began drooping. All those hours of sleep he'd lost started to catch up with him, and it got harder and harder to keep his eyes open. Still, he couldn't sleep. He had to be awake if they received any news about Keith. He had to... to... stay awake... Someone gently nudged him in the shoulder.

“Hey, man. Get some sleep. You look like you need it.” It was Hunk, but his face looked all blurry and unfocused.

“Huh?”

“Sleep. We'll wake you up if we hear anything.” That suddenly seemed like a very reasonable and good idea.

“Yeah, yeah, I'll sleep...” He drifted of almost before he was lying down on the couch, and barely registered Hunk draping a blanket over him before he was completely out.

The scene he woke up to was very similar to the one when they had first gotten to the base. He was lying on a couch, and Hunk was sitting in a chair next to it. Only exception was that Hunk was awake, and Pidge was already there, as well as Matt. When Lance caught sight of him, he immediately sobered up, sitting up straight and shoving the blanket off of him.

“Any news?” he asked hoarsely. Matt gave him a sympathetic look.

“No, I'm sorry. But Shiro should be here soon.”

“Where is he now?”

“Taking a shower.”

“Do you know if I can see Keith yet?” Matt looked uncomfortable.

“You'll have to ask Shiro. But take it easy, all right? He's had a rough night.” Lance wanted to argue that he, too, had gone through a rough night. But he knew it wasn't fair, not to anyone.

He learned from Hunk that he'd slept for about two vargas, and that it was now twelve o'clock. Shiro did indeed arrive soon, only about half a varga after Lance woke up from his nap. Matt had left and returned with sandwiches for everyone, and he'd forced himself to eat one, even though his appetite was still lacking. Pidge was still finishing her food as Shiro appeared in the doorway they had arrived through. He smiled tiredly at the sight of them.

“Hey, guys. You all okay?” Pidge nodded, a mouth full of bread preventing her from speaking. Hunk provided the words instead.

“Yeah, we're fine. You?”

“Tired. Worried. But considerably good, with the circumstances.”

“Shiro.” Lance spoke up hesitantly. “Is he...? I mean, can I, well, could I...”

“He's doing okay. And you can see him if you want to.”

“Really?” Lance had to stop himself from flinging himself around the other man's neck.

“Yeah. I'll just have a word with his doctors first. Although, Lance, you should know... He doesn't look that good. Just... just prepare yourself, okay?” Lance drew a breath.

“Sure.” Shiro disappeared again, presumably to speak to the doctors.

“Make sure to say hi from us”, Pidge told him.

“Pidge, he... he can't hear me, can he.”

“Yeah, he can. I asked Shiro last night. In some comatose states, the patient is able to hear everything that's going on around him. They are assuming Keith's in that position. Talk to him, Lance. Make him understand.”

“Understand what, Pidge? I don't even know what's happening myself.”

“Everything. He's probably scared senseless. Make him feel safe. And say hi from us”, she repeated.

“Yeah... Yeah, I will. Promise.”

As Pidge smiled assuringly at him, Shiro showed up again, waving Lance towards him.

“Come on. He's through here.” He gesticulated towards the only other door in the room, motioning for Lance to follow him. Lance almost tripped on his own feet in order to get up and through the door. Shiro didn't follow him in, only nodded encouragingly and closed the door behind him. Lance turned around and... and caught sight of Keith.

He instantly understood what Shiro had said about preparing himself. Keith looked so small where he lay in a big, white hospital bed, surrounding by machines. Wires were attached to his arms, and a classic screen showed his heart-beats on a screen nearby. The former red paladin was paler than usual, as if all blood had been drained from him. His veins were visible through his skin, making it look as if it was almost translucent. All the blood had been cleaned off his face and arms, and neat bandages covered the worst of the damage. Even so, he had several small cuts, as if he'd been showered in glass. Lance felt dizzy as he realised that was probably what had happened when Keith had crashed into the barrier and his spacecraft had been smashed to pieces. Most of Keith's body was covered by the many blankets, but his hand poked out of the nest of fabric. It looked so small and vulnerable where it lay motionless on the mattress, next to the broken boy. Keith would've been looking abashed at Lance for calling him vulnerable, but it was the simple truth. Those hands should always be active. Was always active, Lance thought. Whether it was an absent-minded tapping on something or tampering with some small project he was helping Pidge with, or playing with Lance's fingers or hair... No, seeing those hands at a complete still was wrong. Lance took the remaining steps to the bed, pulling the chair that was stood there closer and sitting down on it. He enclosed Keith's hand in his own, softly stroking it. It was cold and pale, all to lifeless even at a closer look.

“Hey, Keith.” His voice sounded like gravel, hoarse and low. It hurt to speak, he hadn't realised that he'd been so close to tears until he opened his mouth. Now he let them fall freely, drip down on his and Keith's hands, staining his cheeks.

“I missed you. I still do. I was so worried, you know? After we found you... and before, too. When Matt met us, when he told us what you had done... I wanted to kill you. Though I guess that would be kind of counter productive. What you did was really stupid, Keith.” A sob made his breath hitch, and he had to stop for a second.

“You could've died. You could've died right there, you goddamn idiot.” He made a sound that was half a laugh, half a sob.

“But then you always were the hotheaded one. Always acting before thinking, weren't you, mullet? Well, we're paying the price now. I just... just promise you'll come back, yeah? I don't think any of us could carry on without you. Shiro would try and act strong, but he'd be broken inside. Pidge too. She seems real tough, you know? But she really loves you, Keith. She sees you as a brother. Well, I don't, that would be weird, but you get my point. We're family, Keith. They can't carry on without you. I can't... I can't do this without you. And Allura, I know you two had a bit of a rough time, but she really values you. The fact that she chose to forgive you for your heritage, and overcame her own prejudice in order to accept you, that speaks for itself. They all care for you. So please, just... just wake up, yeah? You were so brave. You can't miss all the parades they're gonna be doing for you.” He ave a wet chuckle. “You aren't finished yet, here. Not yet, Keith. Not yet.” Little did he know that he'd repeated Kolivan's words almost exactly.

Lance brought up his own and Keith's hands to his chest, pressing them tightly against his heart. Even if he had wanted to say more, he couldn't have. His body was too wrecked by violent sobs to concentrate on anything further than drawing ragged breaths that shook his entire frame. The scene could've been beautiful, if it wasn't for the tragedy playing out. Or perhaps it was just the tragedy that made it beautiful. Two boys in a white, empty room, echoing with sobs. Once full of movement and fire, one was now lying all too still. Once full of confidence and easiness, one was now collapsing under the pressure that was put upon him. The world had beaten them down with its cruel rules, endlessly forcing them to gain what they had longed for, only to lose it again and again. But how many times could someone be crushed and put together again?

Hunk didn't know if he should be worried. The obvious answer was yes; one of his teammates (and friends, thank you very much) was fighting for his life in this very second in a room just feet from here, and Hunk couldn't do anything to help him. But his question wasn't on that subject, but the fact that his other friend, Lance, had now been in Keith's room for almost two hours. The sobs had started almost immediately, but after that, they had grown both louder and weaker in volume. Hunk didn't think he'd ever been in a room with such an awkward atmosphere in it prior to this. Both he, Pidge, Shiro and Matt could hear Lance's heart-wrenching sobs loud and clear. No one addressed them, and yet it was what everyone thought about. When Coran and Allura showed up, rugged after hours of diplomatic meetings, they had first been as talkative as ever. They had almost managed to lighten up the mood somewhat, or at the very least, distract the paladins with their plans and tactics they had figured out during their visit in the palace. And then a particularly high and desperate sob had broken through the door, causing both alteans to stiffen and firmly avoid the door with their eyes. After that, all conversations had died down pretty quickly.

But even though the sobs had been uncomfortable, to say the least, they hadn't distraught Hunk overly much. His friend had been stricken by grief, and it was completely normal to cry. Hunk had done it, and he wasn't even that good of friends with Keith, even if he'd tried to create a stronger bond between the two of them. He didn't like how the former red paladin had shut himself off so easily before he and Lance had found each other. Although Keith wasn't the friendliest guy around, Hunk didn't get the impression that he disliked Hunk. He just didn't quite know how to approach people. And now he might not ever be able to learn.

But this was beside the point. The reason he felt like he perhaps should be worried was that not a noise had escaped from the room in question for half an hour. Judging by the stern look on Shiro's face, he was thinking the same. And just as Hunk couldn't take it anymore, just as he was about to stand up and propose that they check on Lance, the door swung open. The scene was so ominous that Hunk wouldn't be surprised if a mad scientist stood in the door frame. But it was Lance, of course. Dried tears had made streaks on his cheeks, and caused his eyes to turn red and puffy. But his face weren't sad, nor angry, like Hunk would've expected. No, it was determined. Lance's eyes, usually blue and clear as the ocean on a sunny day, was now hard and sharp like ice or stormy clouds. They bore the look of a sharpshooter. Without saying a word, he marched towards one of the chairs and promptly sat down.

“Are... Are you okay?” Pidge asked nervously. Lance nodded.

“I'm good. And he's going to be, too. I won't let him have it any other way.”

“Of course you wouldn't.” Hunk smiled carefully. The tension in his friend's shoulders dropped slightly, and he allowed himself to lean back against the back of the chair.

“Would you... Would you mind if I stayed tonight, Shiro?” The older man looked at Lance for a few long seconds, as if measuring him. At last, he gave a small smile.

“Of course not, Lance. Stay as long as you want, but make sure to get some sleep, too. We can't have you all immobilised.” Allura looked as if she wanted to interject, but the sheer relief in Lance's eyes made her close her mouth again. They could afford a couple of days off, she thought to herself. After all, her paladins were only a couple of teens lost in space, thrown into a war they did not know about until they suddenly fought in it. With a too great sense of right and wrong, they were caught playing the roles as soldiers, when really they were just a couple of kids too far from home.

Allura sighed as she watched them. She wished with all her might that they would walk living out of this. All of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As i said, I have a lot on my plate right now, but I'll try to post until next weekend...?  
> Feel very free to leave comments and kudos!


	5. A mirroring of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Voltron cannot neglect their duties - and within the red lion, a mystery awaits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fifth chapter, finally! I've got loads of homework and stuff, and in addition, one of the students in my drama group bailed on us, and the girl who was supposed to replace her only played with us one or two times, and the character is a main one, so we're struggling with keeping that together. But hopefully next update will be a bit faster:) Wish me luck  
> 

Lance woke up from someone playing with his hair. He was lying face first onto a mattress, his back arched in an uttermost uncomfortable position. Why would I fall asleep like this? he thought sleepily. And then reality made an appearance and he remembered everything from the last few days. He was at Keith'sbedside, having fallen asleep there late last night... But in that case, who were playing with his hair?

Lance shot up from the bed so fast he craned his neck. The hand in his hair pulled away only to find his cheek instead. In front of him, sitting upright in thebed with a soft smile playing on his lips, were Lance's boyfriend.

“Good morning, sunshine”, he said with one of his smirks, the ones Lance had found so annoying back at garrison but had grown fond of in space.

“K-Keith?” he stammered. “But... You're awake. Has the doctors been here? Do you feel okay? When did you wake up? Are your brain... okay?” Keith chuckled lightly.

“Of course it's okay. I can talk, can't I?”

“Yeah, but...” Lance gripped the other boy's hand. “I was so worried, Keith. I thought... I thought you were going to die.”

Keith's face suddenly turned to stone.

“I did, too. And I would've never forgiven you if I did.”

“You would've never... What do you mean you would've never...” Keith only stared him coldly in the eyes.

“It was your fault I had to sacrifice myself. If you wouldn't have messed up so badly on Naxzela, and Voltron would've never been compromised. If I had died there and then, the blame would've been yours to carry.” Keith's voice held no sympathy, no emotion at all. He was simply informing Lance of cold, hard facts.

“But, baby, I didn't... I never...”

“Yes, you did. It was all your fault. Your. Fault.” Keith's face morphed into something different, something evil. His eyes burned holes into Lance's skull, the long fingers were reaching out for him, closing around his neck.

“Your fault. Your fault. Your fault.” The words echoed in Lance's brain as he gasped for air, but Keith's slender fingers only pushed harder. They, too, had mutated. Long claws had grown out of each of his fingertips and were pressing into the soft skin on Lance's neck, cutting off his oxygen. His vision started to go black at the sides, he felt himself falling, falling, falling...

 Lance woke up with a loud gasp. He drew in deep breaths, filling his lungs with all that sweet oxygen. His hands clawed at his throat, and he swallowed thickly several times. He was still at Keith's bedside, but his boyfriend lay as still as ever, black eyelashes framing his closed eyes. It had only been a dream. For a second, Lance was filled with relief, and the next, guilt for feeling like that. His boyfriend weren't turning into a vengeful monster, but he was still in a coma.

At this point, Lance would almost take the first option if only it meant he could know if Keith was okay or not. This wait, this... this middle ground... It was driving him crazy. It wasn't a full life his boyfriend had. He hovered all too close to death, having to rely on machines and monitors to keep him alive for the moment.

It was like... like he was living on the edge, and only fate would decide which side would rope him in at last – death or life. Lance sighed deeply and buried his face deeper into the crumpled sheets. He knew that his cheek were most definitely covered in red prints of creases after having slept with his face pressed against the mattress all night, but he really couldn't bring himself to care right now. He tried to recall the first couple of seconds of the dream, before it had turned into a nightmare.

The feeling of Keith's fingers carding through his hair, the warmth of his hands on Lance's cheek, his soft smiles and livid eyes.

He had to set his jaw to stop it from quivering. He had shed enough tears already. He needed to get himself together.

 

Hunk and Pidge had sent him some of his clothes late last night. Coran had arrived earlier for the diplomatic meetings with the castle, Lance had met him briefly last evening but had barely registered talking to him. Pidge, Hunk and Matt no longer lived at the local inn but in the castle, that was parked not long from the base. Lance would probably have to spend the night there today. He and Shiro had came to an agreement last night, that they would take turns in keeping a watch at Keith's bedside. Neither of them wanted to leave him alone for longer than five minutes at a time.

Lance got up now, gathered his newly washed clothes in his arms and headed for the shower. He didn't spend nearly as much time in there as the first time now, anxious to leave Keith alone for a longer period of time. After quickly getting dressed and bundling up his old clothes and stuffing them under his arm, he power-walked back to Keith's room.

The waiting room, which had been empty merely minutes before, was now inhabited by a pacing Shiro and a strictly standing Allura. Both of their faces were stern, and Lance's nerves started acting up.

“What's going on? What are you doing here? Not that you can't be here, I just wondered, because it's like, early in the morning, at least I think so, I don't know this planet's day and night schedule, but I just figured that...” Shiro cut him off.

“Lance. Calm down. Stop rambling. We need to talk to you about something.”

“It's important”, Allura added. Lance forced himself to take a breath and nodded.

“Okay. What is it?” Shiro looked uncomfortable, hinting at Allura that she should start talking. This made Lance even more nervous. What was it that even Shiro didn't want to face head-on?

“Well, Lance. The thing is... We might need you and the rest of the paladins to form Voltron.” Allura must've noticed Lance's distraught eyes, because she hurried to explain.

“No one's in danger, not really. It's just... Voltron have just disappeared directly after a huge fight. People might start to doubt, worry that maybe we're not as strong as we seem, that we need too much time to recover. Worst case, our allies might be too scared to trust us to protect them. We need to show them that were by their side no matter what. Coran and I were thinking a small visiting, nothing big, just to show the coalition that we're alive and well. The natives here have quite an advanced broadcasting system. We could film a small video-message, just of us forming Voltron, flying around a bit, possibly an interview with one of us. The people need to know that we're still fighting for them, that we're okay.” Lance blinked once, twice.

“Allura... We aren't okay, though, are we? Keith is... Keith's...” His voice quivered, and he had to stop.

“No, we're not, Lance. And I'm not proposing that we should lie to our allies, only that we should let them know that we're not, well, dead.”

“We might as well be!” Lance took a step forward, raising his voice.

“If it wasn't for Keith, if he hadn't done what he did, we would only be piles of smoking ash! Why can't our allies get that? Don't they get that we need time to heal, to grief?” Allura shot Shiro a look, and he cleared his throat.

“Lance... Keith means the world to any of us, you know that. But to some of the allies... his blood still matters more than his mind.”

“Without his blood, they would all be dead within a day!” Shiro quickly put up his hands.

“And I know that. We do. But the allies might not. So please... Keith wouldn't have wanted you to give up the coalition for his sake. He would've wanted you to keep fighting.”

“What I want, then? Doesn't that matter? I won't leave him alone here, not again. I refuse, Shiro.”

“Lance, our duty is to defend the universe. We all took that upon us when the lions chose their paladins. And I know it's unfair, but Zarkon doesn't care about Keith. Nor does the rest of the galran empire. We can't risk anyone's safety, and we most certainly can't the risk our allies. That still has to be our priority.”

Allura paused, looking him deep into the eyes. Lance felt something heavy settle around his heart.

“I... Okay. But I'm not leaving this planet's atmosphere. We'll be filming here, or not at all. Got it?”

“Of course, Lance. Coran is planning the details just now. Why don't you follow me back to the castle? Shiro can stay with Keith. Right?” she added, looking in his direction. The black paladin nodded instantly, flashing Lance a reassuring smile as he disappeared into Keith's room. Lance only managed to caught the glimpse of black hair splayed out over the pillows before the door swung shut again. Allura nudged him gently in the side.

“Come on. I think Hunk is making something called 'tAckoss'?” The princess pronounced it horribly wrong, and Lance gave a weak smile and she tugged him

towards the doors. It was just a short video, he told himself. It couldn't take too long, could it? He would be fine, surely.

 

Coran had put the castle down on a small hill, coloured purple by something that looked and felt similar to grass. It was a nice change after all the rocky, prairie-like planets they'd been on. Once inside the castle, Allura lead the way to the bridge. Hunk and Pidge were already there, hunching over something that Coran had on display on a table. Allura joined the other altean on one side of it as Lance took his place between his friends on the opposite side.

“What are we looking at?” he asked. Pidge, who had been so engulfed in what seemed to be a blueprint of the broadcast system, jumped and hissed.

“Lance! By all the stars, don't just show up like that!” She smacked him on the arm as Hunk patted him on the shoulder.

“Good to see you again. There's some yummy space tacos waiting for you when we're done with this.” Lance smiled again, still weak, but not as thin as earlier.

At this point though, Hunk would consider anything that wasn't a step backwards a victory.

“Well”, Coran spoke up. “I think I've figured out the mechanics of these filming devices.” He gestured to a table full of what looked like steampunk cameras behind him. “I will follow your route, first from the ground, and then the air, from the castle itself. You are going to fly up in your lions, until you hear my signal, and that is when you form Voltron. Then you'll fly over some of the villages around here, showing off Voltron. Don't you worry about the specifics, I will be giving you instructions as you fly. I was thinking we do it soon, before the sun starts to set. Hopefully we'll get this over with by night fall. Everyone clear?”

All but Pidge nodded.

“What about Shiro?” Coran smiled reassuringly at her, absently twirling his moustache.

“I'll inform him of everything. He'll be here when he needs to.” Lance wanted to ask who was going to watch over Keith during their absence, but he didn't want to foul the others' mood, which for once seemed to be considerably good.

“Then, I suggest you go and change into your armour and start getting ready. We'll rendezvous at the hangar in...” Allura cast a glance at the clock on the wall. “Three quarters of a varga.”

 

* * *

 

As Lance walked through the empty halls of the ship, he realised how much he'd missed the castle over the last few days. It hadn't been long at all, but it still felt like he was returning to it after a long vacation. The castle had almost started to feel like his home now, the people who lived together with him his family.

He missed his family down on earth, all right. But at least he didn't feel like he was completely and utterly alone up here. Soon after they'd began dating, Lance had learned that Keith had felt like that when they first got here. Sure, Shiro was practically his adoptive brother back at garrison, but he'd been... changed. And all too caught up with all of this space-shit. Lance's heart had broken when Keith had told him, and promised that they were his family. That they would always love him no matter what. He'd felt like he'd broken that promise when the secret about Keith's heritage had been revealed. Allura's reaction had been everything but loving, but they had gotten over that bump in the road. It was past them now. Lance so innerly wished that this, too, was only a bump in the road. Something they could look back at in years, tell stories about, maybe even laugh at (though that seemed like taking it a bit far, in his opinion). Although he feared that it might not be that easy.

He was about to go into his room, when a sudden idea came to him. Keith's room was just down the hall. He'd left it alone ever since Keith had left for the blade.

_Lance, please, don't go in there, if it's not necessary. I like to think that I still own a shred of privacy. Emergencies only, alright?_ That had been his words.

Lance had figured that there had to be something more behind the words than a wish for privacy, but hadn't pried further. Keith's door seemed to be pulling at him, strong as magnetism. This counted as an emergency, right? What if Keith had left something of his own in his room? As it was now, all of his personal belongings had either been wrecked in the crash or left behind at the blade's head-quarters. It would such a comfort to have something of his boyfriend on him all the time, a reminder of Keith even when they couldn't be together. Lance swallowed thickly, looked once over his shoulder as if he was doing something wrong (was he?) and hurried towards his boyfriend's quarters.

The door swished open with a soft whoosh. The room inside was sparse. Keith had never been one for decorating his room, even making it personal. But now the room was more spartan than ever. The bed was stripped of its sheets, the small desk wiped clean. Lance felt stupid for assuming that he would've left something behind. He still wanted to make sure, he still nurtured a small hope to find something that belonged to his boyfriend.

After having looked through all of the drawers in the desk, the wardrobe and even the toilet cupboard, he sank down onto the bare bed in defeat. They were supposed to meet in the hangar in thirty doboshes, ready to get enter the shipping cruiser. Lance should really go back to his own room, change into his armour, but a wave of hopelessness swept over him. He was tired, tired to the bone. He couldn't do this, he was just sat on a lumpy bed and... _Hang on a_ _second_ , he thought. _Lumpy? My bed isn't lumpy. Keith's shouldn't be, either._ Lance got up, driven by a new-found curiosity. He kneeled before the bed, lifted up the heavy mattress, blindly groping for something to be hidden underneath it. He couldn't look past his arms and under the mattress, nor could he feel anything, and he was just about to drop it and go back to his room when his fingers brushed against something soft, something that wasn't the bed. Excited, he gripped it with his hand, pulling it out from beneath the mattress. In his hand lay a small, purple hippo. It was small, a stuffed animal, barely bigger than his closed fist. Lance had bought it for Keith at a revisit at the space mall, shortly after learning that Keith's favourite animal was hippos. His heart melted at the memory now, and he clutched the toy tightly to his chest. Why would Keith have left it behind, hidden?

Didn't he care about enough to bring it? But then why would he go through with the effort to hide it? The memory of the evening Keith had left came back to him. Allura had asked him if he had everything he needed.

“Yeah,” he had answered. “I only left the stuff I don't want to lose behind.” Cryptic as ever, no one really payed attention to his words, nor had Lance done – until now. He must've left it here, hoping for Lance to find it if he ever sought comfort in Keith's old room. Lance had to swallow down his tears as he got to his feet. He would have to do this, if not for the allies, for Keith. Shiro was right. He wouldn't want Lance to give up his duties because of him.

And while Keith wasn't often right about a lot of things, this was probably one of them, Lance thought. And so he walked determinedly back to his own room, quickly slipping into his blue and white armour. He struggled with finding a good place for the hippo at first, not wanting to risk losing it. Finally he managed to tuck it into a small crevice where it would sit tightly, on the inside of his chest plate, right over his heart. The stuffed animal gave him a measure of comfort as it pressed against him, a constant reminder of everything important.

When he entered the hangar, the rest of the paladins were already there, including Shiro, dressed in their armour. Shiro greeted Lance with a nod. He looked more grim than before, and Lance wondered with a tug to his gut if something had gone wrong back at the base. He inclined his question through a raised a eyebrow, and Shiro lay a hand on his shoulder, in a manner that Lance hoped was supposed to be calming. Right now, it only felt like Shiro was reigning him in.

“Right. Everyone, get to your lions. Coran have rigged a camera in each of your cockpits, so keep your helmets on to look professional. Also, don't goof around as much. We're role models and protectors now, alright? We've got a reputation to live up to.” Shiro informed them.

“Good luck, paladins. Remember to follow my instructions!” Coran chirped as he ushered them off to their lions.

 

The red lion stood, majestic as ever, in her hangar. Lance didn't remember much after he passed out shortly after he'd found Keith, but he was fairly certain he didn't fly home on his own. Someone else must've taken his lion to the planet, and moved it to the castle later. She lowered her head now, letting out a deep purr in the back of his head. Lance shoved air down his lungs and forced himself to enter. As the familiar air of the cockpit met him, he had to close his eyes for a brief moment. The event of the last few days unfolded themselves in fast forward in his head. The terror when they were stuck on Naxzela, the relief of getting out, only to be closely followed by a hollow, bottom-less pit of hopelessness and pure fear. Lance pried his eyes open behind the helmet, pushing the memories away. Red's cockpit felt as if he'd not visited in a very long time, a bit like returning to his old gran's house had felt after she'd passed. Lance tried to relax as he seated himself in his piloting chair, rolling his neck, warming up the controls. Then the doors to his hangar opened up, and he flew out in the bright sunlight.

 

They had been flying for little over an varga, and Lance felt considerably better. There was something about being in red, just feeling her presence so much closer in his mind, that simply was calming. She was like a rock, steadfast and loyal in the middle of a turbulent sea. Although, towards the end of their little show, Lance had begun to feel a different presence nudging at his mind. It wasn't unpleasant, not exactly, only not familiar. No, that wasn't right. Lance frowned as he realised it. What was different about the feeling was the fact that it was very much familiar, almost nostalgic. He couldn't quite place it, but he felt like it should mean something to him, perhaps like his sister's perfume, or the faint wisps of smoke emerging from his uncle's pipe. Whatever it was it didn't bother him, only confused him a bit.

And then, just as they were finishing up, returning to the castle, it hit him. He had momentarily forgotten to control red as he realised the presence's identity, causing several worried questions to flow from his comms, but he didn't answer a single one of them, only sped up and flew red into the hangar as fast as possible, before he lost it completely.

It was _Keith_. It was Keith who lingered at the back of his mind, at the back of red's. Now when he'd realised it, it felt so much stronger.

The flowery scent of Lance's shampoo in his hair.

The way that old leather jacket inhabited a scent that Lance had grown to love.

That grey-blue-purple shade of his eyes that had haunted Lance's dreams for months before he'd confessed his love to Keith.

The softness of his dark strands of hair. Lance remembered the first time he'd threaded his finger through Keith's hair. How he'd laughed and joked that the mullet was softer than it looked, secretly loving the feeling of Keith's silky strands between his fingers.

For a second, only a second, Lance had thought that he was there, in the cockpit with him. It was silly, he knew, but still... in a way, wasn't he? It had felt so real, almost as if Keith had whispered something in his ear, right before he came to his senses. Red's presence felt like a warm embrace, and Lance curled in on himself, feeling the loneliness tear at his heart. Even though he was in his lion, most certainly not alone, the brief feeling of sheer Keith had only made him realise how deeply he missed his boyfriend, how the absence of him had left a black hole in him, a hole that was slowly eating him alive, feeding on him, swallowing him whole.

Lance startled as he realised that he was crying. Tears traced their way down his cheeks, dropping down in his lap, splattering against his armour.

He didn't care about stopping them, let them fall freely. His comms crackled to life, but before anyone could speak, he pulled it off of him, throwing it against one of the walls. After the echo of it had died out, the cockpit suddenly became eerily silent, his sobs like red splatters of paint against an otherwise blank canvas.

Still, he barely noticed as red's door opened up, letting in Hunk. Nor did he see Pidge linger at the steps, or Shiro standing together with Allura and Coran further a way, looking concerned. Only when Hunk lay a gentle hand on his shoulder did he notice that he was not alone. He sniffled, wiping his eyes with his sleeves.

“'M sorry”, he muttered. “I just...” He managed between sobs. “I felt him, Hunk. I felt his presence. It was like he was... like he was here. With me.” He looked up at Hunk, fearing that the other would look at him like he'd gone mad. But his friend only hugged his shoulder tighter, coaxing him to stand up.

“I wouldn't find it too farfetched. After all, the lions are part of our minds. Such a connection wouldn't go away easily, would it? Even though he's not technically the red paladin anymore, he still nurtures a strong bond, right?” Lance rubbed his eyes.

“Yeah, I s'pose. I just... Hunk, I miss him. I don't know if I can... if I can... I don't know”, he trailed off. Hunk had gotten him to stand by now, and Pidge had toed up to him, standing close as if to offer some sort of support.

“I know, man. It's hard. But we've got to keep going. We'll get through. We always do. And we never give up. Keith won't. And neither will we.” Lance pressed himself towards Hunk, still sobbing quietly.

“No, we won't”, he echoed. Pidge noticed his hands trailing over his chest plate, right where it protected his heart, but didn't ask.

And as his friends helped him out of the cockpit, the red lion purred softly, and in a bed in the blade's base, a black haired boy with fair skin stirred ever so slightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me this long, and I hope you're still enjoying the story. I have abit of a question to you; would you like to know more about Keith and Lance's origin story as a couple? Leave a comment if you're interested in that. Other suggestions and comments of any kind are higly appreciated, as well as kudos  
> Until next time, goodbye


	6. Closing the circuit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out what happens to all of the paladins after that dreadful cliffhanger (sorry not sorry)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY for not updtaing sooner. School has been a literal hell, but thankgod did we have a one-week break, and I was determined to get this up before season five aired tomorrow (in my time-zone at least). By the way, SEASON FIVE, AM I RIGHT?? Feel free to chat with me about it when you've all binged through it in one sitting. Anyways, i'm gonna stop rambling and let you read now:)

Keith went through what he'd normally call “jolting awake”, although he supposed that wasn't really how it worked when you were in a coma. It was more like suddenly being aware of everything around you again, after having drifted away, getting lost in thought, sometimes for hours on end. Usually it was a sound that caused him to 'wake up'. But this time, something was different. This time, the sound didn't come from outside. It came from his _mind._ Although, it wasn't really a _sound,_ but rather some sort of... awareness, a presence of sorts. It felt like recognising a familiar face in a crowd of strangers, but not being able to place it right away. Like a friend from the past, a ghost made up from memories. And then, as sudden as if he'd gotten an electric shock, he knew. He knew, and it filled him with such a warm feeling that he legitimately though that he was being hugged by someone. By red, he realised. Red was there, ever-loyal, letting him know that he wasn't alone, no matter if anyone was in his room or not. And then someone else made their presence known. He recognised it almost instantly this time. A wave of impressions washed over him. Eyes as blue as cobalt. Skin as caramel. That wide smile that enlightened everyone who looked at it.

A scent of ocean and flowery-scented shampoo. The lingering feeling of slender fingers that danced across his cheek, a ghost of lips on his own.

_Lance._

Lance was there, the very essence of him pumped into Keith's mind. He felt like he was soaring, the darkness that he'd gotten so used to fanning out around him, giving room for something else. Something so foreign but at the same time so familiar. Something he could only hope was what he thought it was.

Something far more real than anything he'd experienced during the last few days. His mind reached out, the way his fingers would whenever he wanted to hold Lance's hand. He had only needed to long for the presence of Lance's hand in his, and Lance would notice it, and gingerly take Keith's hand in his own, securing it safely in his grasp. He was doing that now, reaching for Lance. He could feel Lance, could feel the bed, the light, the world outside of his mind right there, at the edge of his consciousness.

And then, it was all snatched away, and he was falling, falling, falling, down into the abyss, enveloped by its never ending darkness again, deeper and deeper than he'd ever been before.

 

Lance legitimately thought he felt his heart stop as the blade told him what had happened. Keith had been so close to waking up, his heart-rate had gone up, his conscious may even have surfaced for just a tenth of a second. And then... then they had told him. He'd sensed the 'but' in the air before it was said, had hoped that it was just paranoia, that nothing was actually wrong. But no, of course, with all that happened the universe just couldn't let them have this victory.

They had to suffer more, until one of them broke for good. And Lance feared that that was exactly was about to happen. For even though Keith had momentarily improved, had taken several long steps on the road to recovery, something just had to push him back. Lance hadn't comprehended what the blade had said the first, or even the second time. Only when she had repeated it for the third time had the words turned into reality inside of his head.

Yes, Keith's heart-rate had gone up, making his doctors momentarily believe that he would wake up there and then. But after a few seconds, it had instantly dropped again, so low that they barely could detect it at first. They'd been so close to the edge, only to fall right back into the abyss again. And now he was even closer to death than before, with even smaller chances of ever waking up again.

Lance still expected someone to shout April's fools and conjure Keith from behind a corner or under a table. Still expected someone to say that it was all a misunderstanding and that he had, indeed, woken up. But reality laughed him right in the face, dismissing all of his hopes with it's cruel twists and turns.

Even as he was stood on the bridge together with the rest of the paladins and Coran, he couldn't bring himself to stop repeating the news inside of his head. Allura's words were distant, as if a barrier of water separated them.

“Lance? Lance, are you listening?” He blinked, startled eyes looking into Shiro's grey ones.

“I... No. Sorry, Allura, I just...” He took an unsteady breath and tried to keep his hands from shaking. Allura's eyes softened.

“It's okay, Lance. But I think you might want to listen to this.”

“Yeah, princess. Of course.”

“Then, as I was saying. As we are all aware, Keith's condition has worsened critically. The doctors... They say that the risks of his heart failing during the course of the next few days are too big. It is time we take action. I haven't wanted to even consider this as a possibility until now, but given the recent circumstances... I don't think we have another choice.”

“What possibility?” Pidge chimed in, eyes bright with hope.

“I... It's incredibly risky, you have to understand that before you begin to get your hopes up. The risk of him dying in the process is just as big as the chance of it working, all right?” Lance shuddered, but nodded in sync with the others.

“Well then... You all know about the mental connection you have with your lions, I take it? But I doubt any of you have figured out the exact mechanics about it yet. In order to explain my plan, you need to understand this first. You all know the basics of physics, I hope? Well, imagine the lions as batteries. They're all connected to wires, creating a circuit. You, the paladins, have the function of switches. When you focus on the connection, like you do when forming Voltron, you flip on the switches, allowing the electrons to move in the wires, or in this case, the lion's energy. If one of you are removed from the equation, the energy cannot move between the batteries since one of the switches have broken the circuit. We think that Keith's heart-rate went up because of his connection with the red lion, since it was activated then for the first time since he became comatose. Are you following?”

Scattered nods and hums in agreement echoed across the room. Lance understood the mere physics of the concept presented, although he couldn't understand how they all remained so calm. Here they were, talking about Keith's possible death, and not a single one of them showed any signs of distress. Although, when he thought about it, he hadn't felt this calm in days.

Because now they were actually doing something, they were no longer powerless. They could actively help Keith, not just sit by his bed-side and pray that he would be okay. And that made Lance feel better than he had for all this time.

“So, what I want to say is... If we somehow can strengthen Keith's bond with the lions, if we can make that energy increase in strength, then maybe, maybe that can end his coma. The catch is that the shock might as well stop his heart. We're really pushing the line if we're doing this.”

Hunk hesitated.

“But... how would we increase his connection?”

“By connecting him to the circuit”, Pidge answered immediately.

“Think of it like adding another element to the circuit, like a lamp. All the 'electrons' from our lions will pass through the 'wires', if you will, and if we connect Keith to that wire, then the energy will course through him, too. But Allura's right, that much energy is more than any human should ever be exposed to. It's like a huge defibrillator, only we aren't dealing with normal electricity, are we?”

Pidge looked to Allura in confirmation, who nodded.

“The lion's energy is something else, something not yet discovered by your race. Hardly by any race, in fact. There's few who has access to it, even fewer who understands and can use it correctly. The alteans were one of these few select, and even then, creating the lions with the help of this energy was very complicated science and could only be performed by a very small number. This is the reason that the galra never have been able to recreate the lions, despite their many tries.”

There was a pause.

“So... I, just, have I got it right? You're proposing us to experiment with a foreign energy that no one really can define, on Keith, with the stakes being fifty-fifty?” Lance could barely contain the quiver in his voice. It was madness, but at the same time, if they didn't... That would be like signing Keith's death sentence. At least they had to try.

“Lance, I know it seems crazy, but if not...”

“I know”, he interrupted. “I know. And I think we should do it. It's just... difficult, that's all.”

Shiro planted his hand firmly on Lance's shoulder.

“I agree. We have to do something, and if this is our only option, then... Then I'm okay with it.”

“I'm in, too.” Pidge piped up.

“And I”, Hunk said.

“Then it's decided. I think we should do it as soon as possible, just in case... Just to be safe. Pidge, we'll need to find a way to connect Keith to the 'wire', the current of energy. Can I trust you to come up with a way? I'll teach you everything I know about the lions and the way they work. Hunk, you can help her.” Pidge and Hunk both nodded indignantly.

“Shiro, you will need to talk to the blades, introduce them to the plan. Coran, you and I will prepare the lions themselves. We'll rendezvous back here in six vargas. And Lance... I think you should stay with him. Talk to him, tell him what we're about to try. He may not be able to have a say in it, but it's only fair that he knows what's going on. They say he can hear us, so we'll have to trust that.”

Lance nodded shakily, relieved over Allura's compassion.

“He would agree, I know he would. Probably without even consider the consequences. Always the reckless one.”

He let out a wet chuckle, and Hunk found his arm and squeezed it reassuringly. Allura straightened and clapped her hands together, breaking the moment.

“Well then, paladins. Off to work. We have a friend to save.”

 

* * *

 

Lance felt like the air had changed when he stepped into the room for what felt like the thousand time during the span of the last days. Keith was still lying, unmoving in his bed. There were more machines connected to him now, several hums and beeps that filled up the otherwise suffocating silence. Was Lance paranoid, or was he paler than before?

He swallowed, cringing as the sound of his footsteps against the linoleum echoed off the cold, white walls. It had never felt as much as a hospital as it did now. _Or a cemetery,_ a small voice inside him piped up. He pushed it away with as much might as he could manage. When he got closer to the bed, he could hear Keith's breathing, much more laboured and wheezing than earlier. It sounded like his wind-pipes had to struggle to gather enough air to let out and in, like his lungs was slowly leaking like a pair of balloons.

Lance clenched his fists by his sides, setting his jaw so tightly that his teeth protested. Keith was going to be _fine._ But lying there, he looked like it was already too late. He looked like he was already...

Lance quickly averted his eyes from his boyfriend's face, eyes filling up with tears.

 _No,_ he told himself. _I won't be a coward. I won't spoil this chance to talk to him, possibly for the last time ever._ He flinched at his own choice of words, but forced himself to think them again. _I won't lie to myself. It's a high risk involved. But if we don't, it's basically accepted the fate were given. We're not doing that. If we'll have to go, we're going down with a fight. That's what he would've wanted. That's what he wants. I know he does._

Lance didn't realise he'd spoken the words out loud until he closed his mouth around the last syllable. Slowly, he turned back to Keith, almost expecting those eyes to look back at him. They weren't, of course. God, Lance had missed his eyes. Those dark pools, ever changing, never stopping. Sometimes they were grey, like wood smoke from a campfire. Other days they were a shadowy blue, like the sea on a stormy day. And sometimes, when he was stood at the bridge, gazing out across the universe, they were an impossible violet, stars reflected in his wide irises, creating a whole galaxy on their own.

In those moments, Lance felt like Keith nursed an entire world of his own inside of his head, a safe haven, somewhere to go on lonely nights. That, until, Keith had told him Lance was that safe haven. He'd cried then, and he cried now, thinking about it. He clasped Keith's hand, sinking down on the chair next to his bed.

“Hey, you. Long time no see, eh?” His voice wavered, and he had to swallow a couple of times in order to keep going.

“I heard about what happened when I was away with the lions.I don't know if you're aware yourself, but you almost woke up. You were so close.” Lance's chest heaved with his heavy inhale.

“But, uhm, since the universe clearly holds a grudge against us, you didn't wake up. Instead, you, well, you... You got worse. The doctors don't know why, only that if we don't do anything, you won't survive the next few days.” He squeezed Keith's hand tighter. “I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I wish there was a better way, a _safer_ way, but... Allura have an idea. The chance of you surviving is... well, there's really no way to sugarcoat this, so I'm just gonna say it. They're fifty-fifty, Keith. And I'm sorry.”

Lance was full on sobbing now, struggling to get out his sentences in between his crying.

“And we're... we're going to do it. I hope I'm right, but it feels like you'd want us to. You wouldn't want to go down without a fight, would you. I'm sorry if I'm wrong, and it isn't our decision to make, not really, but... but given the circumstances, we did. I hope you can forgive me if... if it wasn't right, wherever you are after we've done it.”

He rubbed his eyes with his knuckles, pressing them against his eyelids until he could see patterns and colour dancing across his field of view. Only then did he let go, taking a deep breath, composing himself.

“I suppose you'd want to know exactly what we're going to do. Well, Allura only just explained it to us, so I'm not sure I can repeat it flawlessly, but I'll try to make you understand, alright? Well, uh, the lions have a sort of energy housing them. Between them, they're like huge batteries, and the mental bonds works sort of like wires, connecting them together in a circuit. As paladins, we're also part of the circuit, and works sort of like lamp switches. Without us, the energy wouldn't be able to travel through the circuit. Allura says you're still sharing a strong bond with the red lion, with all of us, in fact. When the red lion established a contact with you, it caused you're heart-rate to go up, you're mind nearly leaving the astral plane. The plan is to connect you directly to the power source, leading the lions' energy through you. So basically, we're adding another unit to the circuit; you. It's a foreign energy, and no one really knows much about it, so you understand the risks. But if it works, it'll be enough to wake you up. And we.... um, we're going to take those risks. We've decided it's worth it.”

He sniffed, forcing his tears to remain in their ducts. He couldn't bring himself to think of what would happen if Keith didn't agree with their decision. With _his_ decision. What if Lance's last conscious act touching Keith would be to sign his death sentence?

 

* * *

 

Five vargas later, they were once again gathered at the bridge. Pidge and Hunk looked considerably dirtier than before, their clothes stained wth oil flecks and burn marks. Shiro seemed grim, but determent. Lance wondered if anything the blades' had said had changed his opinion in the matter, but he hoped not. They would need everyone in the team to go through with the plan. Allura and Coran were stood side by side, going over the last few details.

Keith had been transported to the castle. They'd been forced to do it very carefully, as a single commotion could cause his condition to worsen beyond repair. Lance had never been as relieved as he'd been when they finally got him to the castle, alive and as well as you could call someone in his situation. He was lying on one of the beds used in the med-bay, machines crowded around him. Lance was perched on his bedside, listening carefully as Allura turned to them, clearing her throat.

“Well, then. Pidge, Hunk, you two did an excellent job in finding a way to connect Keith to the circuit. His chances will be as good as they can be given the circumstances, thanks to you two.” They both smiled, but it was nervous and tight. Allura continued.

“Coran and I have successfully prepared the lions. I would suggest saying something to Keith, just in case... in case the worst happens. He'd want you to say goodbye.” Lance thought he must've imagined it, but was there something like... tears, in Allura's eyes? Surely not, he thought.

They all left the room in order to give everyone a sense of private during their possible last goodbyes.

 

* * *

 

 

There was a deeper darkness filtering Keith's whole world, something heavier, an air of finality that coated his mind. He would be lying if he said it didn't scared him. He could only remember glimpses of what had happened after his assumed almost-waking-up-experience. A rapid beeping. Voices, shouting orders. He thought he'd heard Kolivan among it all, but he couldn't be sure. And then Lance had visited, told him what was going on. Dread had filled him then, when he got knowledge of what was about to happen.

But at the same time, a kind of strange calm, softer and more controlled than anything he'd felt recently. Knowing that, in one way or another, this would end seemed to bring him comfort, how bizarre it may sound. No matter how this would end, he wouldn't have to be floating around in darkness anymore, wouldn't have to be trapped in his own mind, conscious of everything but powerless to do anything, to interact with anyone. It had been tearing at him, and he hadn't even realised it until he was given the option to take it away. Now, it felt like he couldn't get rid of it soon enough.

That darkness hung like an ever thicker veil between him and his team-mates as they came in to say their potentially final words to him, only making the scene even more grim.

Hunk was first. He started sobbing even before he'd reached Keith's bedside. He talked about the first time they met, how he'd been intimated by Keith's appearance, but how he'd learned to love him like family. If Keith could've, he would have reached out and give him a hug. He regretted never returning them whenever Hunk would give him. The thought of never being given the chance to do that tore at his heart, and he was almost grateful when Hunk left.

Pidge came after. She didn't cry, only told him that she would kill him if he left them.

“I got one brother back. I'm not losing another one in return”, she told him before leaving.

It was only after she was gone that Keith realised the meaning of her words. She'd said Keith was her brother. That pained him as much as Hunk's goodbye had, knowing he might have to leave her, too. She didn't deserve to lose anyone else. Not after her father, after Matt, and her mother back on earth. He'd have to survive this, if only for them.

Coran was next. He gave a speech about how Keith was always going to be part of this team, and always had been. “You were when you left for the blade, and you will even if you leave us again, this time.”

Allura asked for his forgiveness about her behaviour when she found out he was galra. She told him that his heritage couldn't matter less, not when he was as brave and had proven himself so many times.

Shiro didn't talk much. He only sat there, holding Keith's hand. Right before he left, he told him he was proud of Keith. Proud because he'd defeated every obstacle that had been thrown at him, and he would be damned if Keith didn't overcome this, too.

Finally he told him he was proud to call himself Keith's brother. That mended at least half of the cracks in his heart.

And lastly. Lance. Keith had expected him to linger the longest, even after having been the one to visit Keith every single one of these days, pouring his words out to his boyfriend. But he didn't. Only sat in silence, his breathing the only indication he was still there.

When he finally spoke, it was so low that Keith almost missed it.

“I love you, Keith. I hope you can forgive me.”

He got up quickly after that, leaving Keith alone again. He wanted to tell Lance so badly that _of course_ did he forgive him. He hadn't seriously considered the possibility that Lance actually felt guilty about trying to save his life, just because it involved a risk. He made a vow to himself, that if he survived this, the first thing he would do when he woke up was to tell Lance he had nothing to apologise for. The purpose burned in his mind, like he'd suddenly gazed upon his destiny.

He knew he had to survive, if only to assure Lance that he had nothing to feel guilty about. He would survive, because if he didn't, Lance would blame himself. And even though he'd be dead in that scenario, Keith didn't think he could live with himself knowing that happened, that he caused Lance to think that Keith's death was his fault. He couldn't let that happen.

He wouldn't let it.

 

* * *

 

They were all gathered in the room, circled around Keith's bed, in their armour.

“Okay. Paladins” Allura's voice boomed, like it would when she gave commands in a battle. Lance secured his helmet before meeting each and everyone's gazes. They were all filled with fright, but it was over-shadowed by determination. Every single one in this room was prepared to everything in their power to save their friend.

And they would.

“To your lions! Let's do this!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about this chapter. Like, i just feel like i made you hope and then crushed it mercilessly. authors really must be heartless (i'm looking at you, Rowling). Anyhow, i'd be very glad if you leave some kudos or even a comment! They really make my day:)  
> (also, i decided there's female blades now, too. don't know if it's canon, but i can do whatever i want, so hah, gender equality in you faces)
> 
> *update* Over 2000 hits and a hundred and fourteen kudos?! Thank you!!


	7. Love makes a crack in reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even going to write anything here. Find out for yourselves;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO FREAKING SORRY for the wait. I could go into all the reasons, but I'm sure you'd rather start reading right now, so I'll just leave it. Rest of the notes are at the end, and until further ado, enjoy!

“Okay, everyone.” Allura's voice now crackled over the comms instead of at the bridge, as Lance climbed into his lion.

“Coran is taking care of Keith. He'll make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible. We, on the other hand, is responsibly for placing our lions outside on the hills. When Coran gives us the sign, we'll form Voltron. Remember, it is of utmost importance that none of you lose concentration. This operation is risky enough with the lion's unknown energy. It is old altean alchemy, and the last we need is someone crumbling under the pressure and breaking the bond.” Lance felt like he already was “crumbling under the pressure”, but he wasn't about to admit that.

Instead, he only confirmed her words with a firm yes. He was actually surprised at the lack of a quiver in his voice. He felt like a leaf in a monsoon, shaking like mad. He had to draw several deep breaths before he could grip the controls with enough strength to manoeuvre his lion out of the hangar, and safely set her down on the lawn outside. Hunk came soon after, followed by Pidge and Shiro, and lastly, Allura in the blue lion. Soon, all the five lions stood in a circle, unmoving.

Normally, Shiro would've given a pep talk at this point, Lance would've cracked at least five corny jokes and Keith complained that he'd focus. That is, before he left for the blade. Although everyone seemed to still count him as part of the team, Lance included. Everyone but Keith himself. Lance had wondered many times if Keith disliked being associated with Voltron, if he liked “not being part of the team”, as he phrased it. Or rather, had wondered many times before Keith broke down in the red lion's hangar, not knowing Lance was there too. Their relationship had strengthened significantly since that day, something Lance was forever grateful for. If he feared something, it was Keith not talking to him when he needed it. He knew from experience that the other boy tended to close himself of whenever something was bothering him, and Lance took pride in being one of the only persons he'd open up to. Coran's voice broke his train of thoughts.

“All right, paladins. I'm connecting Keith to Pidge's, uh, lightning rod?” Lance stiffened in his seat.

“ _Lightning rod_ , Pidge?”

“It's not! I promise, it's not a lightning rod, and he won't be zapped by lightning. It's just a sort of beacon that's supposed to lead the energy from our lions into Keith.”

“That do sound an awful lot like a lightning rod, Pidge”, Hunk helpfully supplied.

“Well, it isn't, and it will work”, Pidge snapped.

“Guys”, Shiro cut them off. “We've done everything we could've. Now's not the time for fighting. Coran, is it time for Voltron?”

“Yes, Shiro. Engage, and good luck.” Lance closed his eyes, despite taking of off the planet's surface. He simply relied on his instincts to take care of the practical parts. He needed his mind focused on the mind meld. Allura had told them that the not-lightning-rod would amplify the energy they usually felt, and boy was it amplified. Lance felt like a soda bottle that someone had just shaken, all that carbonic acid confined by his lion's metal shell. He felt it bubbling through him, threatening to break free of its chains and shoot him out like a champagne cork.

The others must've felt it, too, because he heard various gasps and an “oh fuck”, from Pidge, quickly corrected to shit after a reprimand from Shiro. Lance briefly reflected on the fact that Shiro was calm enough to comment on PG-language in a situation like this, but then the energy grew even stronger, occupying his entire mind. By now, Voltron had come together, and Shiro kept them floating in the air right over the castle. Through his lion's eyes, he could see the ground beneath them bath in coloured light. At first, he thought something was wrong with the visual, but then he realised that the glow came from them. His own lion emitted a powerful beam of red light, joining in with the rainbow of the rest of the lions. The light grew stronger, until it blinded him completely, making him close his temporarily opened eyes again. The energy was rushing through his systems, the light piercing through his eyelids. His mind seemed to splitting at the seams, fighting to expand enough to house this foreign energy. It filled every corner and crevice of him, pushing, pushing, pushing until...

The light turned white in an explosion, only to lower him in a thick darkness. Startled, he realised he could see, even without opening his eyelids. He no longer felt like a super nova, and he was no longer in his lion. Instead, he seemed to stand in a completely blank mind-scape. A swoosh to his left alerted him of Pidge's arrival. Hunk, Shiro and Allura came to closely after.

They all looked at each other for a second, trying to figure out if this was part of the plan or if it had already gone to hell. And then, with yet another swoosh, something appeared in the middle of their little circle. At first, all Lance could make out was a spot of black in a cloud of white. Then, as his sight adjusted, he realised that the cloud was a hospital bed, and that the mop of black was Keith's hair. Lance tried moving, crying out as he did so. But it was as if someone had glued his feet to the non-existent floor. He couldn't move, couldn't get to Keith, couldn't, couldn't, couldn't-

“Lance!” He hadn't even realised he'd started hyperventilating until Hunk called him out of it.

“S-Sorry”, he managed. “Why can't we move? Allura?”

“I... I don't... I don't know, Lance. We're in some kind of mind scape, but I... It's not like anything I've ever heard about.”

“But what're we supposed to do?” Pidge pressed. “He's right there! How do we save him? How?”

“I think... We'll have to connect, again. On a deeper level. This isn't just about forming Voltron, it's about tuning our minds to the same frequency, about opening ourself up entirely. Our life energies, combined with the lions... That's what would bring Keith back to us.”

“But... How do we do that?”

“Just... Concentrate on us. On everything that connects us, on everything that ties our bonds. Don't censure anything, keep it entirely real. Pour your hearts out.” Lance's heart was beating like crazy at the moment, for the record, but he closed his eyes anyway, following Allura's commands. He thought about the night they saved Shiro, and met Keith. About when they found the blue lion, when they woke Coran and Allura up from their cryogenic sleep. He thought about the first time they formed Voltron. He thought about their first encounter with the galra empire, and their first victory against them. He thought about when Shiro went missing, and of when he returned. He thought of his and Keith's first hug, their first kiss, their first hello, and then their first goodbye, and everything in between.

He thought of their last battle, he thought of their first. He thought of the time they introduced the alteans to milkshakes, and of when they went to the space-mall. And suddenly, it wasn't just his memories that flowed through his minds. He saw memories tinted by green, yellow, blue and blackish purple.

The other paladins' memories, he realised. Some were the same as his, others were entirely unknown to him. There was one of Pidge conversing with Allura on the bridge, which was soon replaced by one where Keith taught Hunk hand-to-hand-combat at the training deck, which was followed by the one that showed all of them, playing an old altean board-game and drinking their version of hot chocolate.

They swirled around him, a maelstrom of pictures and videos. When he opened his eyes, he realised it wasn't only in his mind. They gathered in a tight hurricane around the bed Keith lay in. New memories started to appear in the mix, in all types of colours. Memories that could be no other's than Keith's own. Lance saw his quiet conversation with Shiro before they left earth, when he saved Lance from the airlock, saw an injured Shiro and Keith stuck on a rocky planet, saw glimpses of the trials of the marmora.

Keith had told him some, but seeing it was another thing entirely. Lance felt an protective impulse to defend his boyfriend, even thought it was quite some time ago, and the fact that they weren't even boyfriends back then. He saw Keith battling Zarkon on his own, saw them free Slav, saw them trying to find Shiro, and saw Keith slowly crumbling under the new title as the leader. Saw his perspective on their first kiss, followed by several frantic glimpses of his time at the blade.

Lance was so caught up in the flashing images that he didn't notice the change in atmosphere at first. But as it grew stronger, it was impossible to miss it. Keith's memories became darker and darker, showing clips of the time after the failed kerberos mission, showing Keith at his lowest times in life. The memories swirled faster and faster, until all Lance could make out was a dark mass, spiralling out of control. Deep rumbles, as if thunder, rolled across the mindscape, creating a storm of despair and sorrow.

His sight of the rest of the members of his team was obstructed by the raging memories. He was caught up in a hurricane, only split by bouts of lightning, drawn across the sky in sharp patterns, burning his retina. Over the sounds of thunder, something else fought to be heard. Lance could make it out to be Coran's voice, but the words themselves were drowned by the inferno around him. After a few moments, though, the voice came back, ten times stronger, booming in Lance's head.

“Paladins! Keith's heart rate is dropping! We're losing him! What is going on?”

Lance felt as if he was doused by ice water. No. This was the thing that wasn't allowed to happen. After everything they'd been through, after how hard they'd fought, after being so close, he was not losing him now.

He felt as if a flame had been lit inside him, kindled by a force stronger than anything he'd known of. It was a flame of hope, of rage, of sorrow. Driven by the turmoil of feelings that he'd felt during these past days, weeks even, it was raging hotter than ever now. He could feel it; this was it. One way or another, this journey would end today. But if it was going to be a happy closure or not, that was up to him. He could change the outcome of their story, he could form their destiny with the help of the fire burning in him.

And he would.

Lance stepped forward, out of the space that had seemed so constricting only moments ago. What had been a wall as solid as brick was now nothing more but air. He was blinded by the storm, but as his feet moved out of their original spot, a path emerged in front of him. As bright as if made by the stars themselves, it directed his steps through the nightmare around them.

It was as if Moses himself had appeared to part the red sea, and Lance did what every person would have done.

He ran. Ran through the flashing pictures of horror and terror, ran through the dark times that still haunted Keith's sleep, ran through the most dangerous corners of his boyfriend's mind. Ran until he caught sight of the bed in front of him, blindingly white in the middle of chaos. Ran until he was kneeling next to it, cradling the limp form of Keith in his arms.

From all directions, the scared and confused voices of his team mates echoed, but he ignored them. All that mattered now was bringing Keith back. As Lance stood there, with the love of his life in his arms, begging him to come back, he experienced something very strange. It was as if he could physically feel Keith's presence there, not only as in his body, but as in his mental awareness. He knew Keith was watching, listening, from somewhere outside of his body. As if his soul, his very being, was caught in some middleground, and it was Lance's job to bring him back from there, to haul him into the living world with a rope spun from his words alone.

He knew that both of their destinies depended on this very moment, on him. A fact that normally would have scared him out of his wits, but now only filled him with determination. He bent his neck down, leaning his forehead on Keith's, whispering quiet words.

“I'm here, Keith. And I'm not leaving you. Can you say the same? Can you come back for me? For yourself? For everyone here that wouldn't be able to live on without you. Come back for them. Come back for us. You weren't meant to die here. I know you weren't. There's more for you out there, whole worlds waiting for you. I'm waiting for you. You are supposed to live. The world doesn't end here, and neither does your life. Come back. Come back, Keith. I'm not leaving you. Not now, not never.”

A shudder followed his words, rocking the space around them. The mindscape began to split at the seams, his words creating cracks in reality. And so, with a last shiver, the chaos was parted by a blinding light, pieces of memories raining down around them like a broken mirror. Lance was holding Keith tight, but he could feel him slipping – which way he didn't know. If he was falling down into the void of death or soaring up in the realm of the living, Lance couldn't tell. He could only hope as he turned his head upwards, facing the breaches of the mindscape.

Right before he could feel himself disappearing, he caught a glimpse of the stars above, galaxies after galaxies watching over them. And in that moment, he knew.

 

The sense of cold metal surrounding him brought him back to awareness. Lance opened his eyes, expecting to see the starry night, but was met with the silvery interior of his lion. As his brain processed the recent events, voices began the buzz in his comms as his team mates came to.

“What happened? Did anyone see Keith?”

“Coran? Are you there?”

“Where did Lance go?”

“Lance, are you here?”

“What is going on?”

“Did it work?”

Another unit crackled to life as Coran switched on his mic. The silence that followed the chattering seemed deafening. As Coran's deep breath could be heard as he prepared to speak, Lance begged to all higher powers he knew of that his intuition had been right.

“He... He's alive. I- I can't believe it. He made it. He actually made it.”

Lance could've fainted right there and then. Somewhere he'd known, he'd known that if Keith hadn't lived, he would've felt it. But he hadn't let himself hope, couldn't let himself dwell on hunches. But he had been right. They'd made it out of this mess alive – all of them.

Sounds erupted through the comms as each member took in the news. He thought he could hear Hunk cry, Pidge let out a long string of swear words mixed with cheers, and for once, Shiro didn't correct her. Allura was laughing giddily, as if drunk on relief. Shiro soon joined in, and eventually the whole team was laughing hysterically, Hunk all the while crying. Only Lance was silent, something that soon was picked up on.

“Lance? Are you all right?” Allura's tone had turned serious again, despite her glee only moments ago.

“Yeah. Yes. I'm all right.” Lance felt the grin grow wider and wider on his lips.

“We all are. We're all all right.”

“Yes, Lance, we are. We are.”

“Can I see him?” he whispered, voice suddenly fragile.

“Of course, my boy”, Coran answered.

“Is he awake?” Pidge asked. There was a pause, everyone waiting in suspense for Coran's answer. And so the comms crackled again, and another voice, much weaker and raspier than the altean's sounded.

“Hey, guys”

“Keith!”

“Oh my god, Keith, you're actually awake!”

“I'm going to kill you for this, you know that? Never do that again!” If Lance didn't know Pidge, he would've thought she was struggling to hold back tears.

“I won't. I promise.” Although his words were serious, Lance could practically see the smile building up on his lips.

“We've missed you, Keith.” Shiro's voice was thick with emotion, and Lance marvelled. Despite him knowing Shiro like a friend, and not an idol, he was still surprised by how utterly human the older man sounded. Their never wavering leader sounded as if he was about to collapse in tears of relief. Keith dwelled on his answer, but when it came, it was filled with emotion and as sincere as words get.

“I missed you too. All of you.”

“I knew you were a big softie under all that emo shit”, Pidge sniffed, suppressing a sob.

“What are you waiting for? Get out of your lions and come here!”, Coran broke off. They didn't need to be told twice. In less than five seconds, all paladins had scrambled from their seats. Lance arrived to the bridge first of all, despite his lion being the one the furthest away. He'd forgotten everything he'd been taught about acting calm and collected around vulnerable patients – because that was still was Keith was, no matter how much he was going to deny it – and whirled into the room like a hurricane of too much feelings.

Keith was lying in the bed in the middle of the room – pale and tired, but looking as alive as ever. His face shone up like a firework when he caught sight of Lance, and he struggled to sit up. Lance was at his side in less than a second, and even though he'd been in the exact position only minutes ago in the mindscape, he felt as if he hadn't been so close to his boyfriend in years. He embraced Keith tightly, and the mere feeling of the other boy returning the hug, slinging his arms around Lance's back, being aware and there, was enough to bring tears from Lance.

In mere seconds, he was sobbing into Keith's shoulder.

“I missed you. I missed you so much. And I was afraid – afraid that I'd never see your eyes again, never get to hear your laugh, afraid that you... that you wouldn't...”

Keith recoiled, and at first Lance thought that he'd upset him, but then he realised Keith had done it to be able to look Lance in the eyes.

“But I did. And I'm not leaving again. I'm here, we both are, breathing and alive.”

Lance gazed into those endless galaxies that made out his boyfriend's eyes, allowing himself to drown in their depths.

“I love you, Keith.”

“And I love you.”

Looking back, Lance couldn't remember who it was that closed the space between them, but in the next moment they were kissing, losing themselves in each other. It was the applause erupting from the doors that finally got them to break apart.

Keith blushed deeply as they turned around to see that the entire team was gathered there. They joined Lance at Keith's bed-side, taking turns in embracing him, until Pidge decided that it took too long and engaged a group hug. It was much like the one before Keith had left for the blade, but instead of being a goodbye, this one was a welcome home.

They only untangled themselves from each other when Coran mentioned that Keith was still weak and needed to rest. After many well-wishes and threats from Pidge, the rest of the team left. Only Lance lingered for a bit, waiting until Coran was at the other side of the room until he spoke.

“I- uh, I'll come back as soon as Coran lets me in again.”

“Yeah. Love you.”

“Love you, too.” He managed to tear himself away and began to walk towards the door, but stopped as he reached it, turning back towards Keith.

“While you were in the, uh, the coma... Did you... I mean, did you-”

“I heard you. Every single time.”

“Oh.” Lance didn't know what to say. Somehow, all of his elaborative speeches seemed a bit silly, in hindsight.

“It really helped. I never once doubted you, or myself.”

If Lance could've bottled Keith's smile and gotten drunk on it every night, he would have. He returned with one of his own, before turning to the door once again.

“And Lance,” Keith said, prompting him to turn back once again. “Get some rest, you too. You look like you need it.” He smirked, and Lance rolled his eyes.

“Thanks for that.” But he couldn't help the wide grin that spread over his features.

He was alive, and so was Keith. Right now, that was all he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the story is basically finished, and the next chapter is more of an epiloge, some explaining, stuff like that. I feel like this chapter was a bit short and hazy, but it also felt right for me, the way it turned out. I'd love to hear what you thought of it down in the commments. Also, my plot fit so darn well with the new season? Like, I had the mindscape-thingy planned before the season was even released?? How fucking weird is that? Anyway, I really hoped the wait was worth it, and feel free to leave some kudos!  
> 8If you recognised the line "If lance could've bottled Keith's smile and gotten drunk on it every night, he would have", it's stolen from Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo. If you haven't yet, check it out, it is really a great book!)


	8. The end of a story is the beginning of many

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a prologue, really. I felt we needed some heart warming stuff after this hell of a story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, i know, i took fooorever to update. But it's here now, and i fyou've stuck with me to the end, congratulations! I never thought so many people would leave kudos here, or even click on the. It will almost feel a bit empty now that it's over. But I want to thank every single one of you who took the time to read this thing of mine. If anyone's a hero in this context, it's you guys. I'm sure Shiro would be proud of you;)

Lance groaned as he stretched his arms high above his head. Keith had been right; he'd really needed some sleep. Over the last few stressful days, he'd barely been able to close his eyes for longer than five seconds before something new and alarming happened.

The second he'd reached his room, he had collapsed on his bed – eyes slipping close before his head even hit the pillow. He was paying for that now – there was an awful crick in his neck, and he felt sweaty and grimy after sleeping in his under-armour. When he woke up, his first thought had been to run straight to the med bay and Keith.

But as his brain pulled out of its sleepy haze, he had realised that it probably was better to take a shower first. Although Keith had only been in a coma for less than a week, it felt like much longer, and he didn't want to spoil their first chance at really talking by stinking of sweat. No, a shower could be managed before he rushed off to his fair prince. In addition, Coran had said that Keith most likely would be out for better part of the day. As unlikely as it sounded, being in a coma tired the body and mind out, according to the old altean advisor.

Realistically, he was in no hurry at all. Despite that, he was freshly showered and clothed exactly seven minutes and thirty-two seconds later, and would have showed up at the med bay at a maximum of thirty seconds later, if it wasn't for the fact that he nearly fell over Pidge.

She was stood right outside his door, fiddling with something on a holo pad, so completely submerged in what she was doing that she didn't move an inch when Lance barged out of his room.He almost fell back because of the sharp stop he had to pull.

“Jesus, Pidge, do you want to be squashed under me?” he exclaimed.

“However pleasant that sounds, we have more important things to do.”

“Were you just standing in the hallway, waiting for me to come out to give me a heart attack? Ever heard of knocking?”

“I heard your shower, you muppet. I wasn't going to go in there when there was a risk of you walking round in only your boxers.”

“Weirdo”, Lance muttered.

“Freak”, Pidge retorted, before continuing. “As I said, we need to some things. Coran wanted me to pick this up-” She waved the holo pad. “-so we are on our way to the med bay.”

“Hold on. Did he say what he needed it for? Is Keith already awake?”

“Not when I was there. And that was only... five minutes ago. Now, come on, or I'll program your shower to only have access to cold water.”

“You wouldn't dare”, Lance shouted after her as she started walking off. However, he knew well that she definitely would, and therefor followed her quickly.

He was headed there anyway, he told himself to try and make this less of a defeat.

Pidge reached the infirmary a couple of seconds before he did, and despite this, she didn't warn him. Lance was about to have his second cardiac failure that day when he saw Keith sitting on the edge of a bed, Coran buzzing round the room.

“Keith!” he cried, shoving Pidge out of the way. “No one told me you were awake! When did you wake up? Shouldn't you be getting more sleep? Why are you sitting up? And why is he still not in a pod?”

This thought had occurred to him for the first time since Keith woke up, and all of a sudden it seemed very urgent.

“I asked Keith if he wanted to go in one. He opted, as I had foreseen, not to, though.”

Coran said calmly, preparing a syringe at one of the tables. Lance turned to Keith.

“Well, why the hell not? Do we know your injuries won't have any lasting consequences? Aren't you in pain? Why would you choose human shitty healing when we have cool alien tech?”

“I would have to be in there for pretty long. At least a few days, am I right, Coran?”

“Precisely, my boy.” Keith continued.

“I didn't think I could handle wake up just to go away again. As a matter of fact, I don't think _neither_ of us could”, he said pointedly. Lance felt his cheeks redden.

“Well, I.. Of course I understand that, but Keith, your health...We need to make sure you're okay.”

“And that's exactly what Coran is doing. He is just making sure I'll be fine to postpone the pods for a couple of days. Just so I can catch up, hang out with you guys for awhile. Then I'll go in a pod. Promise.”

Lance bit his lip, pretended to ponder the suggestion, even though he knew Keith had already won him over.

“Fine”, he said at last. “But only if I get unlimited cuddle time.” Keith cracked up in a smile.

“Such tough bargaining. But alright, you win.”

At this point, Lance had advanced to the side of the bed where Keith was perched. The dark haired boy leaned forward and gave Lance a chaste peck on the cheek, blushing silently when Coran made himself heard, waving the syringe. It was wicked-looking, with along, sharp needle, filled with some dodgy liquid.

“Still gotta give your healing a little push forward, number four.”

“Of course. Keith leaned away from Lance, rolling up the sleeve of his plain t-shirt for Coran. Lance dimly noted that he must've changed clothes somewhere in between last night and now.

The rest of his conscious was filled up with immense dread for the death stick in Coran's hand. Keith, on the other hand, looked as calm as ever, studying the syringe with distant fascination. Lance swallowed audibly.

“Well, I, uh, I'm just going to look what Pidge is up to until Coran is done with that... thing.” He turned around to see that said gremlin had left the room at some point. From behind him, he could hear Keith snicker.

“You aren't actually afraid of needles, are you?” Lance spun around angrily.

“No! And even if I was, what would be so strange about that?” he asked defensively. Keith tried to stifle his laughter, evidently without success.

“It's just... I mean, we fight entire armies of foreign aliens almost weekly, we've managed to cause the downfall of an emperor who have had better part of the universe in his clutches for decades, and you face them practically every day, fearless. And yet, you're afraid of _needles?_ ”

Lance's mock anger fell of his face, and was replaced by a more solemn face.

“I'm not fearless. I'm terrified. Every second of every battle, I'm so tense I fear I will pop an artery or something.” Keith's smile had also disappeared, and a faint crease had appeared between his eyebrows.

“Why haven't you said anything?”

“Because I don't have to. I'll be afraid that the fear will consume me, but then I look to my side, and I will see you standing there. Or, if we are in our lions, I'll crack a stupid joke, and I will get to hear your voice, and then everything is all right again. Because I know you are hear with me. Brave and reckless, taking every obstacle as a challenge, that stupid smirk always playing on your lips. And I'll know that whenever I need to, I can tap into that strength. As long as you can do it, I can. Simple as that. You're my rock, Keith. I could never survive without you.”

“Lance...” Keith began, but Lance shook his head.

“No. I'm not finished yet. By Naxzela, when we found out about you... It was as if an earthquake had suddenly turned everything upside down. And at once, my rock weren't there anymore. I didn't have anything to brace myself against. I was faced with the threat that I might never would, again. And that almost crushed me. I've been a mess the last few days”, he admitted. “But they have made me realise something. I can't rely on you to steady me. I'm going to learn to be more independent, I'm going to have to-” He didn't get longer.

Keith cut him off with a kiss, right on his lips. He was surprised that Keith had already pulled back before he could reciprocate it. Keith's fierce, violet eyes was locked onto him.

“Don't ever say that again. I will always have your back, Lance McClain. I won't ever leave you again. I will be your rock, if you'll be mine.” Lance blinked, dumbfounded.

“But... What if...” _What if the same thing happens again? What if we aren't so lucky next time?_ But Keith only shook his head.

“No. I won't even allow you thinking about it. Now come here, I'm cold.” He patted the mattress next to him, and Lance hesitantly sat down, facing Keith.

“I... I know it's horrible to think about, but what _if_?”

“I don't care. Not now. I'm too tired and relieved to be alive to think about that stuff. We'll figure it out. We always do. And until then... Well, you did negotiate endless cuddle time.”

Keith grinned, and Lance couldn't help but to do the same. Even though the concerns kept lingering at the back of his mind, they could wait. In fact, everything could wait. Right now, all he wanted to do was to curl up with Keith and never let him go again.

He looked deeply into Keith's eyes, gazing into the starry skies there.

“I love you, you know.”

“And I love you.”

Sure, they had a lot to figure out. Lance didn't think he could ever forget the few harrowing days behind them. Keith would probably have to deal with a lot of trauma, too. All of the team had to. No doubt would they suffer from nightmares, who knew for how long.

The universe still wasn't safe, despite their many sacrifices and victories. They were far from finished with their mission as the legendary defenders of the universe. But Lance couldn't help but to feel hopeful.

After all – there are no stars without darkness. There is no beauty without pain. And there is no victory without defeat.

And as long as they kept fighting, it would be worth it. Every single moment of it would be worth it.

 

That night, they had the first ever alien/human-sleepover known to history. Hunk and Pidge took it upon themselves to educate Allura and Coran in every single tradition of the occasion back on earth. Hunk made a bunch of snacks, Pidge picked out some carefully selected movies she had saved on her computer.

Keith was on strict orders of bedrest – he was under no circumstances allowed to leave the couch he was placed onto. After having being burrowed in a nest of blankets, courtesy of Lance, who had conveniently built another nest right next to Keith's – the latter had been pretty content with the orders.

Shiro was sat on a nearby armchair, ever so often resting his eyes on Keith. He'd get the feeling that he had to check up on Keith, still not entirely trusting that he was in fact okay. But then he'd see his little brother lying there, head resting on Lance's shoulder, eyes drowsily following the happenings on the screen. Ever so often he'd ask Pidge about something in the movie's plot, and said person would immediately launch herself into a long and complicated explanation, which only Keith had the patience to listen to.

Hunk would disappear from time to time, only to come back with new trays stacked with treats especially created for this very occasion, as he presented them. And Shiro would smile softly, knowing that there was no place either of them would rather be.

They were safe here, all of them, surrounded by friends. Seven persons, picked out at random to fight an epic battle against the evil of the universe. Who would've thought this is where they would end up? A space cadet, once destined for great things, before a capture turned his whole life upside down.

And yet, Shiro didn't regret a thing.

Because Keith - a hotheaded orphan, once a loner, was now surrounded by the first people he could call his family in a very long time. And nothing made Shiro happier than that.

“Hey, Keith”, he said

“Yeah?” The other one responded drowsily. He was on the verge of falling asleep, curled into Lances side like he was a human pillow.

“You know we love you, right? You're part of our family.” Keith smiled tiredly.

“I know, Shiro. And I love you guys, too.” He paused, looking thoughtful.

“Does that make you the space-dad, though?”

Shiro groaned as the room exploded in laughter. Of course, being a family meant more than cosy sleepovers and movie nights. But he wouldn't ever trade this for anything else.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end, I suppose. Please leave a comment to tell me what you thought of it, now that it's ended. And also, if you like the way I write, maybe a prompt or something? I can't promise It'll happen, but it sure would be fun to try!  
> Once again, thank you for reading, and for the last time, goodbye, fellow nerds.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading the very first chapter of this story! Leave a comment or some kudos!


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